It sounds like you are navigating a complex situation in your relationship, and it's completely valid to feel overwhelmed and question the dynamics at play. Let's break down the various aspects of your situation to help you gain clarity.

Financial Arrangement: You mentioned that living in the house is financially beneficial for you, as it allows you to save money compared to renting a studio. This arrangement is indeed advantageous, but it should not come at the cost of your emotional well-being. You both split bills equally, which is a fair setup; however, the financial aspect does not excuse the lack of mutual respect and shared responsibility in other areas.

Household Responsibilities: It seems that when your boyfriend is home, the household responsibilities are not being shared fairly. Leaving the house messy and expecting you to handle the cleaning and maintenance creates an imbalance. It’s important to discuss and establish clear expectations regarding chores and responsibilities. For example, you could create a chore chart or have scheduled cleaning days to ensure both of you contribute equally. As a reference, studies show that couples who share household tasks report higher relationship satisfaction (source: NCBI).

Emotional Labor: The feeling that your life revolves around taking care of him is a significant concern. Emotional labor refers to the effort involved in managing both your own emotions and the emotions of those around you. If you find yourself constantly catering to his needs, it can lead to feelings of resentment. It’s essential to communicate your feelings with him and express that you need support and partnership in the relationship.

Driving and Errands: Expecting you to drive him around at a moment’s notice can feel burdensome, especially if you have your own schedule and responsibilities. A healthy relationship should involve mutual support. Consider discussing a plan where he helps out with transportation when possible, or contributes to gas and maintenance costs when you drive him. Setting boundaries around these expectations is crucial.

Financial Contributions: While it's common for partners to lend each other money occasionally, it’s essential that this doesn’t become a regular expectation. If he forgets to pay you back, it might be worth discussing how it makes you feel. Financial discussions can be sensitive, but clear communication about money can help prevent misunderstandings and resentment.

Conclusion: You are not ungrateful for feeling the way you do. Your feelings are valid, and it’s essential to advocate for yourself in the relationship. Consider having an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your concerns. Express how his actions make you feel and discuss ways to create a more balanced partnership. Relationships thrive on communication, and addressing these issues can lead to stronger mutual respect and understanding.

Ultimately, if you feel that your needs are consistently unmet and your concerns dismissed, it may be worth reflecting on whether this relationship aligns with your long-term happiness and goals.