It sounds like you're in a tough situation where you're juggling concern for your boyfriend's future, your relationship dynamics, and your own boundaries. Here are a few things to consider:

1. Open Communication: It seems like your boyfriend might be going through a lot emotionally (especially with the recent loss of his best friend), which could be affecting his sleep patterns and energy levels. Have you tried having a calm, empathetic conversation about how you feel? Sharing your worries about his work and your future together might help him see the impact of his actions. Focus on how much you care about him and his future rather than just his lateness.
2. Setting Boundaries: It’s important to think about your own boundaries here. You don’t want to feel like you're constantly managing his schedule or acting as a crutch. Consider discussing with him the need for both of you to contribute equally, especially when it comes to responsibilities like getting up for work. You can offer support, but there should be an understanding that he also needs to take responsibility for his actions.
3. Developing a Routine: Given that he's struggling to wake up on time, it might be helpful to suggest a routine or strategy that works for both of you. This could include setting up multiple alarms, placing the alarm across the room, or using a more effective wake-up method. Sometimes people need a little structure or a reminder to break old patterns.
4. Compromise: It sounds like you've been shouldering the emotional and practical load for a while, but in a partnership, it’s important to find balance. You can ask him for a commitment to improve, like taking steps to ensure he wakes up on time or working on his emotional health so that it doesn’t affect his day-to-day responsibilities.
5. Supporting His Mental Health: Given the tragedy he’s faced, his emotional state could be contributing to his struggles with waking up and motivation. It might help to support him in seeking counseling or therapy to deal with grief and any other underlying issues.

Putting your foot down isn’t necessarily about being harsh, but about making it clear that for your relationship and future to thrive, both partners need to be equally responsible. You should never feel like you’re carrying the weight of everything alone. Balance is key—support him while also taking care of your own needs and boundaries.