How do I overcome overthinking and anxiety in dating and relationships? question Hi everyone, I (M30) am currently in the early stages of getting to know someone (F29) I really like. Things are going great on the surface, and there are so many positive signs that it’s going well, but I’ve realized that my own insecurities are holding me back from fully enjoying this experience. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s dealt with similar feelings and can offer some advice. Here’s some context: We’ve had several dates (we’ve met 4 times in about a week or so :D), and they’ve all gone really well (I’ve already kissed her too). She’s given me many signs that she’s more than interested and genuinely likes me. For instance, I gave her a handwritten card as part of a small Christmas gift (along with tea, chocolate, and shower gel), where I wrote a few heartfelt words and drew a little heart. She told me how much she loved it, saying it was sweet and funny, especially because my handwriting looked "childish." She even read it again later and messaged me about how much she appreciated it, which meant a lot to me. After one of our dates, she wrote, “Thanks for today, that was very brave of you,” referring to the kiss and my honesty about my feelings. She also mentioned that although she normally enjoys spending time alone, with me, she feels the desire to see me often. She told me that it’s unusual for her to want to spend so much time with someone so quickly and said it felt special. Another big sign is that she booked a wellness appointment for us in mid-February, which clearly shows she’s thinking about spending time together in the future. It’s also clear from the way she looks at me, cuddles up to me, and talks to me that she’s emotionally invested in getting to know me better. At one point, she said that she finds it hard to process compliments because she hasn’t had this kind of connection in a long time. However, she has made a few compliments herself and seems genuinely happy when I compliment her. Despite all these positive signs, I find it hard to fully believe her words and actions. She’s told me explicitly that she’s serious about us but wants to take things slowly and patiently because she’s had bad experiences in the past and hasn’t been in a relationship for a while. For instance, she’s not yet ready for full physical intimacy, though we’ve talked about it openly. I’ve shown her that I understand, and she explained that while she has a strong desire for it, she needs to take her time and ask for patience due to her past experiences. I’ve also realized that I’ve become emotionally dependent, especially when we’re not seeing each other in person. For example, I tend to overanalyze every text message she sends and feel uneasy when there’s a gap in communication. Even though I know rationally that she’s busy or just taking some time for herself, I struggle to accept that and often crave constant contact. Another issue is my overthinking. During one of our dates, I made a silly comment that briefly ruined the mood. She reassured me later that it wasn’t a big deal and even told me she didn’t want any tension between us. Despite this, I spent days obsessing over it, beating myself up for making a mistake, and letting it overshadow all the positive things that happened. Now, I’m about to go on vacation for one or two weeks (funnily enough, she also goes to the same location at least for a few days, which was already booked before we knew each other). I’m worried that the lack of physical contact might cool things off or that I’ll spiral into my own insecurities. I want to learn how to handle these situations more calmly and trust her without feeling like I constantly need reassurance.

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Jessika Doria

How do I overcome overthinking and anxiety in dating and relationships? question Hi everyone, I (M30) am currently in the early stages of getting to know someone (F29) I really like. Things are going great on the surface, and there are so many positive signs that it’s going well, but I’ve realized that my own insecurities are holding me back from fully enjoying this experience. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s dealt with similar feelings and can offer some advice. Here’s some context: We’ve had several dates (we’ve met 4 times in about a week or so :D), and they’ve all gone really well (I’ve already kissed her too). She’s given me many signs that she’s more than interested and genuinely likes me. For instance, I gave her a handwritten card as part of a small Christmas gift (along with tea, chocolate, and shower gel), where I wrote a few heartfelt words and drew a little heart. She told me how much she loved it, saying it was sweet and funny, especially because my handwriting looked "childish." She even read it again later and messaged me about how much she appreciated it, which meant a lot to me. After one of our dates, she wrote, “Thanks for today, that was very brave of you,” referring to the kiss and my honesty about my feelings. She also mentioned that although she normally enjoys spending time alone, with me, she feels the desire to see me often. She told me that it’s unusual for her to want to spend so much time with someone so quickly and said it felt special. Another big sign is that she booked a wellness appointment for us in mid-February, which clearly shows she’s thinking about spending time together in the future. It’s also clear from the way she looks at me, cuddles up to me, and talks to me that she’s emotionally invested in getting to know me better. At one point, she said that she finds it hard to process compliments because she hasn’t had this kind of connection in a long time. However, she has made a few compliments herself and seems genuinely happy when I compliment her. Despite all these positive signs, I find it hard to fully believe her words and actions. She’s told me explicitly that she’s serious about us but wants to take things slowly and patiently because she’s had bad experiences in the past and hasn’t been in a relationship for a while. For instance, she’s not yet ready for full physical intimacy, though we’ve talked about it openly. I’ve shown her that I understand, and she explained that while she has a strong desire for it, she needs to take her time and ask for patience due to her past experiences. I’ve also realized that I’ve become emotionally dependent, especially when we’re not seeing each other in person. For example, I tend to overanalyze every text message she sends and feel uneasy when there’s a gap in communication. Even though I know rationally that she’s busy or just taking some time for herself, I struggle to accept that and often crave constant contact. Another issue is my overthinking. During one of our dates, I made a silly comment that briefly ruined the mood. She reassured me later that it wasn’t a big deal and even told me she didn’t want any tension between us. Despite this, I spent days obsessing over it, beating myself up for making a mistake, and letting it overshadow all the positive things that happened. Now, I’m about to go on vacation for one or two weeks (funnily enough, she also goes to the same location at least for a few days, which was already booked before we knew each other). I’m worried that the lack of physical contact might cool things off or that I’ll spiral into my own insecurities. I want to learn how to handle these situations more calmly and trust her without feeling like I constantly need reassurance.

2 months ago

Overcoming overthinking and anxiety in dating and relationships is a common challenge, especially when you’re navigating new emotional territory. Here are some strategies to help you manage these feelings and enjoy your budding relationship more fully.

1. Recognize and Challenge Your Thoughts

Overthinking often stems from negative thought patterns. When you find yourself spiraling into insecurity, try to identify those thoughts. Ask yourself:

Is this thought based on evidence or assumption?
What would I tell a friend in this situation?
Am I catastrophizing the situation?

For instance, if you worry that her lack of immediate responses means she’s losing interest, remind yourself of the positive signs she’s shown, like her eagerness to spend time together.

2. Practice Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques

Mindfulness can help you stay present and reduce anxiety. When you start to overthink, try grounding techniques:

Deep Breathing: Take a few deep breaths, inhaling for a count of four, holding for four, and exhaling for four.
5-4-3-2-1 Technique: Identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.

These methods can redirect your focus and help you feel more centered.

3. Establish Healthy Communication Patterns

Open communication with your partner is crucial. If you’re feeling anxious about the relationship, consider sharing your feelings with her. You might say:

“I really enjoy spending time with you, but I sometimes struggle with anxiety when we’re apart. I’m working on it, but I wanted to be honest with you.”

This not only fosters intimacy but also allows her to understand your perspective. It’s likely she’ll appreciate your honesty and may even share her own experiences.

4. Set Boundaries with Yourself

To combat emotional dependency, establish boundaries around your thoughts and actions. For example:

Limit the time you spend analyzing texts or situations.
Engage in activities that keep you occupied and reduce idle time.

For instance, if you find yourself overanalyzing a text message, set a timer for 15 minutes to allow yourself to think about it, then shift your focus to a hobby or interest.

5. Focus on the Positive

Instead of dwelling on what could go wrong, make a conscious effort to focus on the positive experiences you’re having with her. Consider keeping a journal where you note down the good moments, such as:

The warmth of her smile when you compliment her.
The laughter you shared during your dates.
Her thoughtful gestures, like the wellness appointment she booked.

This can help reinforce your positive feelings and counterbalance your anxious thoughts.

6. Embrace the Space

As you prepare for your upcoming vacation, remind yourself that some distance can actually be beneficial. It allows both you and her space to reflect and grow individually. You might say:

“I’m looking forward to my trip, and I hope you enjoy yours too! Let’s share our experiences when we get back.”

This shows your confidence in the relationship while acknowledging that it can thrive even with some distance.

7. Seek Support

If your overthinking and anxiety feel overwhelming, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor. They can provide tailored strategies to help you navigate your feelings and build healthier thought patterns.

8. Take Things One Step at a Time

Remember that relationships develop at their own pace. Focus on enjoying the moments you share with her without putting pressure on yourself or the relationship. Allow yourself to be present and appreciate the journey.

Ultimately, it's about building trust in yourself and your partner. By implementing these strategies, you can work towards overcoming your insecurities and embracing the exciting possibilities of your relationship.

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