I'm really sorry you're going through this—it sounds like a deeply painful experience, especially given the trust and vulnerability you shared with her. Here's how you might approach moving forward:

1. Acknowledge Your Hurt

First and foremost, it’s important to recognize that your feelings of betrayal are completely valid. The trust you placed in her was violated, and it’s natural for you to feel upset, humiliated, and distant. This isn’t just about the content of the joke—it’s about how she handled something deeply personal to you, which you trusted her to keep sacred.

2. Express Your Feelings

It’s crucial that you communicate how much this situation has affected you, even if she doesn't understand the depth of it. You might want to say something like:

“I’ve been feeling really hurt and distant since I found out about the conversation with your friends. When I opened up to you about my virginity, I trusted you with something vulnerable, and I never expected it to be a source of mockery. What’s more painful than the jokes is that you downplayed it and didn’t acknowledge how much it hurt me. It feels like my trust in you has been broken.”

3. Gauge Her Response

You mentioned that she brushed it off as “harmless fun,” but the fact that she didn’t apologize or take responsibility for her role in mocking you is concerning. Pay close attention to how she responds when you share your feelings. Does she acknowledge the hurt she caused? Does she express genuine remorse, or is she still trying to downplay the situation? If she’s unwilling to take full accountability or dismisses your pain, that’s a red flag.

4. Ask for the Apology You Need

Sometimes, a person may not realize the gravity of their actions until it’s explained clearly. If you haven’t already, express to her what kind of apology and validation you need. This could sound like:

“I need to hear you say that you understand how much this hurt me and why it was wrong. I don’t want us to move forward without addressing this properly.”

This isn’t just about getting an apology, but about her recognizing the severity of the betrayal and showing willingness to rebuild trust.

5. Decide if You Can Move Forward

This may be a defining moment in your relationship. The way she reacts to your vulnerability now will show you how much respect and care she has for you. If she genuinely apologizes and works to rebuild your trust, it could be possible to move forward. But if she minimizes your pain or doesn’t seem willing to change, you may need to reconsider if this relationship is a healthy environment for you. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and if it’s been broken, both partners need to be committed to fixing it.

6. Consider Therapy or Counseling

If you want to stay together but find it hard to work through this on your own, couples therapy can be a great option. A professional can help both of you navigate difficult conversations, rebuild trust, and learn to communicate more effectively.

7. Take Your Time

It’s okay to take a step back and give yourself the space to process everything. You’re not obligated to make any decisions about the relationship immediately. Take the time you need to decide what feels right for you. If you can’t shake the feeling of betrayal, it may be worth considering whether this is something you can truly move past.

Conclusion

You deserve to be in a relationship where your vulnerabilities are respected and valued. If she acknowledges the hurt, takes responsibility, and actively works to rebuild trust, you might find a way forward. But if her actions continue to minimize or dismiss your pain, it may be time to reevaluate the future of the relationship.