It seems like you're feeling uncertain about your relationship, and it’s completely understandable to be in a state of confusion. It’s normal to have doubts, especially when you're navigating complex emotions and circumstances.

Here's a step-by-step way to approach this:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

The doubts and confusion you're experiencing are completely valid. Relationships, especially long-term ones, can evolve and change. It’s okay to question your feelings and the future of the relationship. Allow yourself to process these emotions without judgment, as they’re a natural part of being in a committed relationship.

2. Consider Your Mental Health

Since you have BPD, some of your intense emotional shifts may be tied to your mental health. Emotional dysregulation is a common experience for those with BPD, and it can sometimes make feelings of doubt more overwhelming. Therapy could provide insight into whether your current doubts are influenced by your emotional struggles or if they reflect deeper concerns about the relationship itself.

3. Communicate Openly

Open, honest communication is key. It's important to let your boyfriend know what you’re feeling, even if it’s difficult. You don’t need to have all the answers right now, but sharing your confusion and uncertainty will help him understand where you’re at emotionally. Approach the conversation with care and without blame, focusing on your feelings and concerns rather than his actions. This can create an environment of understanding, where both of you can express yourselves freely.

4. Give Yourself Space

Sometimes, giving yourself emotional space—without making any immediate decisions—can provide clarity. You don’t have to make a definitive decision about the future of the relationship right now. Allowing yourself time to think about your needs, without the pressure of acting right away, can help you gain perspective and insight into what’s best for you.

5. Reflect on Your Needs

Take time to reflect on what you truly need in a relationship. What are your long-term goals? What do you need from a partner to feel supported and fulfilled? Are there things you need from him that you haven’t communicated, or do you feel that the relationship no longer aligns with your personal growth? Understanding your own needs can help guide your decision-making process.

6. Take It Step by Step

There’s no rush to make a decision about the future of your relationship. You don’t need to make commitments like moving in together or getting engaged if you’re uncertain. It’s okay to take things slower and give yourself the time to navigate your feelings. This can alleviate some of the pressure and help you make more thoughtful decisions.

Conclusion

You’re not obligated to have all the answers right away, and it’s okay to take a step back and reflect. Giving yourself permission to feel uncertain and to explore your emotions will help you make a more informed decision. Respect your own feelings, and remember that your well-being is just as important as your relationship. If you feel unsure, seeking support from a therapist can help you navigate these complex emotions.