It’s clear that you’re in a deeply complex and emotional situation, and your willingness to reflect on your feelings shows that you care about both yourself and your boyfriend. While it’s never easy to confront a lack of attraction or fulfillment in a long-term relationship, addressing it honestly is essential for both of your well-being.

Here’s how you can navigate this situation thoughtfully:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings Fully

• It’s natural to feel conflicted, especially given the investment you’ve made in your relationship and the life changes you’ve undertaken together.
• Your lack of sexual attraction and the feelings stirred up by your ex and others suggest there’s a disconnect in your current relationship that might not be easily resolved.

2. Consider Your Emotional Connection

• Beyond the physical aspect, reflect on the emotional and overall compatibility in your relationship.
• Are there other areas where you feel deeply connected and fulfilled, or is the lack of sexual attraction part of a broader sense of dissatisfaction?

3. Assess Efforts Made to Address the Issue

• It sounds like you’ve tried to address this through open discussions and new approaches to intimacy, but these efforts haven’t brought lasting change.
• If this issue persists despite trying, it might indicate a fundamental mismatch in chemistry or needs.

4. Be Honest with Yourself About Your Needs

• Feeling sexually fulfilled is an important part of a romantic relationship. Denying your needs could lead to long-term unhappiness and resentment.
• It’s okay to prioritize your happiness and acknowledge that this relationship might not be meeting your full spectrum of needs.

5. Navigating the Ex Factor

• Your ex reaching out has likely stirred unresolved feelings, but it’s important to separate these emotions from your current situation.
• Ask yourself: If your ex hadn’t reached out, would you still feel the same about your boyfriend? This can help you focus on your relationship independently of external influences.

6. Communicate Thoughtfully

If you decide to end the relationship, do so with kindness and clarity:

• Prepare for the Conversation: Take time to organize your thoughts and approach the discussion with compassion.
• Express Your Feelings: Be honest without placing blame. For example:
• "I care about you deeply, but I’ve realized that our relationship isn’t fulfilling me in the way I need. I think it’s best for both of us to move on."
• Avoid Mentioning Your Ex or Others: Focus on the relationship issues rather than external factors.

7. Consider Practicalities

Since you’ve recently moved to a new state together, logistics may complicate the situation:

• Plan Living Arrangements: If you live together, think about how you can separate living spaces amicably.
• Support Networks: Ensure you have emotional support during this transition, especially in a new environment.

8. Moving Forward

• Take time to heal and reflect before pursuing any new relationships. If you feel drawn to reconnect with your ex, ensure that you’ve fully processed your current breakup first.
• Explore what you need in future relationships to feel fulfilled emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Final Thoughts

Deciding to end a relationship is never easy, especially after three years and a significant move. However, staying in a situation that doesn’t fulfill you can lead to deeper unhappiness for both you and your boyfriend. If you approach the situation with honesty and empathy, you’ll both have the opportunity to find relationships that truly align with your needs.

Would you like help drafting what you might say to your boyfriend, or do you want to explore your feelings further before deciding?