It sounds like you're in a really tough and uncomfortable situation, especially considering the personal and professional dynamics involved. Here's a breakdown of the feelings and steps you might want to consider as you navigate this situation:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It's completely understandable that you would feel upset, confused, and betrayed by this message. After five years of what you thought was a platonic friendship, receiving such an intimate and unexpected confession from a colleague can be very disorienting. It seems like this text completely changes the dynamic you thought you had with him, and you may now be questioning his motives and your own boundaries.

2. Reassure Yourself About Your Actions

It’s clear that you’ve maintained appropriate boundaries, both personally and professionally. You've expressed your stance on infidelity, and your friendships with him and other colleagues have been platonic. It's important to reaffirm that the way you treated him (or anyone else at work) was in line with what you'd expect of a professional relationship. He crossed a line, not you.

3. Reflect on His Motives

Your colleague's confession might not necessarily mean he expects you to reciprocate or act on it. Sometimes, people confess feelings for someone out of a sense of guilt, confusion, or an attempt to relieve their own emotional burden. This might be less about his expectation of action and more about him needing to “get it off his chest,” as he put it. Still, this doesn't make it appropriate, especially since he's married, and his feelings could create an uncomfortable working environment for both of you.

4. Clarify Boundaries

You need to be clear about your boundaries in this situation. This is essential for both your own emotional well-being and for maintaining a healthy working relationship with him. His message might indicate that he’s been struggling with his feelings for a while, but this doesn’t mean you have to engage with them. You’re under no obligation to respond in any way that makes you uncomfortable.

5. Consider a Response (if you want one)

You don’t have to respond immediately, especially if you need time to process everything. When you're ready, your response can be polite but firm. Here’s a general framework for your response:

• Acknowledge the message: Thank him for sharing his feelings, but express that his message has caught you off guard and that you're processing it.
• Set clear boundaries: Reaffirm that you value your professional relationship and have no romantic interest in him.
• Address the impact: Let him know how this has made you uncomfortable, particularly given that you're both married (and, presumably, the impact on his marriage).
• Request respect for your boundaries: Make it clear that, while you appreciate his friendship, you expect both of you to maintain professional boundaries moving forward.

Example Response:

“[Colleague], thank you for sharing your feelings, but I have to be honest – this message took me by surprise. I’ve always valued our professional relationship and have always seen our connection as one of mutual respect and friendship. However, I want to be clear that I am not interested in any romantic involvement, and I feel uncomfortable with the direction this conversation has taken. I believe it’s important for both of us to maintain professional boundaries moving forward. I hope you understand, and I appreciate your respect for this. Let’s continue to focus on our work and professional collaboration.”

6. Consider Your Work Environment

Since you're both in upper management, you’ll need to carefully consider how this affects your working relationship. He’s crossed a professional boundary by expressing his feelings in this way. If the situation makes you uncomfortable to the point of it affecting your work, you might want to seek advice from a mentor, HR, or another trusted colleague about how to handle things professionally, especially if there’s any risk of it escalating.

7. Stay Calm and Assertive

Finally, stay calm and assertive in your approach. This situation may feel emotionally charged, but by maintaining control over your responses and setting clear boundaries, you can take charge of the situation. While it’s certainly awkward and unsettling, you can navigate it in a way that keeps your own integrity intact and ensures your work environment remains respectful.

If you ever feel the need to process more of your emotions, talking to someone outside of work (a close friend or therapist) might help you navigate how this has impacted you on a deeper level.