Receiving such a message from your wife can be incredibly complex and emotionally charged, especially given the history and current state of your relationship. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this situation:

1. Take Time to Reflect

Before responding, take some time to process the message. It's normal to feel a mix of emotions—anger, sadness, confusion, and even longing. Reflect on what her words mean to you and how they align with your feelings about the relationship. Consider questions like:

• How do I feel about her spending New Year's with someone else?
• What do I want for myself moving forward?
• Can we realistically address our issues together?

2. Understand Her Perspective

Your wife’s message indicates a deep sense of disappointment and nostalgia for the connection you once had. She expresses regret about the state of your relationship and desires the intimacy you both seem to have lost. Try to empathize with her feelings, recognizing that she is also hurting.

For example, she mentions wishing for “goodnight stories” and “pillow talk.” This reflects a longing for emotional closeness that you both have been missing. Acknowledging this can help frame your response more constructively.

3. Communicate Openly

When you feel ready, consider responding to her message in a way that opens the door for honest communication. You might say something like:

“Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. I recognize that we’ve both been struggling and I’m sorry for the pain we’ve caused each other. I’d like to talk about what we both want moving forward.”

4. Set Boundaries

While it’s important to communicate, it’s equally crucial to set boundaries. If her dating and emotional connections with others are hurting you, express this clearly. You could say:

“I need to be honest that knowing you’re dating others is difficult for me. We need to discuss how we can handle our relationship respectfully, especially considering our children.”

5. Consider Professional Help

Given the history of emotional cheating and the silent treatment, seeking couples therapy could be beneficial. A neutral third party can help facilitate discussions and provide tools for improving communication. You might mention:

“I think it might help for us to talk to a counselor together. It could give us a safe space to explore our feelings and figure out how to move forward.”

6. Focus on Your Well-Being

Regardless of how your wife responds, remember to prioritize your own emotional health. Engage in activities that bring you joy, connect with friends or family, and consider individual therapy if needed. It’s essential to have support as you navigate this challenging time.

7. Be Prepared for Any Outcome

Ultimately, prepare yourself for various outcomes. Your wife may want to mend the relationship, or she may feel that moving on is best. Whatever happens, keep in mind that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to seek happiness and fulfillment, whether together or apart.

Conclusion

In summary, take the time you need to process the message, communicate openly and honestly with your wife, and consider professional help to navigate the complexities of your relationship. Remember, it’s essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and the well-being of your children during this time.