I (31F) have been married to my husband (36M) for 7 years, together for 10.5, and lately, I feel like we're growing apart. He seems more invested in his friends, work, and hobbies than in our relationship, and I’m wondering if it’s time to end the marriage. I’ve been with my husband for over 10 years, and married for 7. The first few years were great—we had fun, connected easily, and really enjoyed each other’s company. But over the last 4 or 5 years, things have changed. He seems more focused on his friends, work, and volunteering than on me or our relationship. Whenever we're together, he’s always on his phone, answering texts and calls from friends during our time. But when I try to reach out to him—whether by call or text—he ignores me and brushes it off, saying, “I was with X and X, so I didn’t see your message.” When he travels for work, I don’t hear from him at all. If I don’t text or call, it’s like I don’t exist to him while he’s away. And when I bring up my concerns about our relationship, he dismisses them. It’s like he’s lost interest in what I feel or think. Even when we go on rides together (we both enjoy motorcycles), it feels like we’re not even in sync anymore. He speeds off, leaving me miles behind while he zips around corners and weaves through traffic. When I ask him to slow down and ride with me, he gets mad, says I shouldn’t tell him how to ride, and then suggests we shouldn’t ride together at all. I don’t want that—I just want to enjoy a relaxing ride with him, not feel like I’m being left behind. We haven’t been intimate in a really long time, and when I try to talk about it, he brushes me off or responds with frustration. If I ask for affection—a hug or a kiss—he acts like it’s a chore. When I try to bring up the issue, he says he takes me on dates, so that should be enough. But to me, the intimacy and emotional connection are missing, and that’s what I need. I’ve tried suggesting marriage counseling several times, but he either shuts it down or claims it’s not worth the time or money. He even agreed to find a counselor at one point but never followed through. Recently, when I brought it up again, he said, “Maybe you just need to work on yourself,” and dismissed it completely. At this point, I’m really questioning whether this marriage is salvageable. He refuses to take any action to fix things, and I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t care enough to make the effort. So now I’m wondering if it’s time to walk away, especially if he doesn’t think counseling is necessary. Is it worth it to keep trying, or should I consider divorce?

No products in cart

Ai Content Generator

Ai Picture

Tell Your Story

Shirlee Seward

I (31F) have been married to my husband (36M) for 7 years, together for 10.5, and lately, I feel like we're growing apart. He seems more invested in his friends, work, and hobbies than in our relationship, and I’m wondering if it’s time to end the marriage. I’ve been with my husband for over 10 years, and married for 7. The first few years were great—we had fun, connected easily, and really enjoyed each other’s company. But over the last 4 or 5 years, things have changed. He seems more focused on his friends, work, and volunteering than on me or our relationship. Whenever we're together, he’s always on his phone, answering texts and calls from friends during our time. But when I try to reach out to him—whether by call or text—he ignores me and brushes it off, saying, “I was with X and X, so I didn’t see your message.” When he travels for work, I don’t hear from him at all. If I don’t text or call, it’s like I don’t exist to him while he’s away. And when I bring up my concerns about our relationship, he dismisses them. It’s like he’s lost interest in what I feel or think. Even when we go on rides together (we both enjoy motorcycles), it feels like we’re not even in sync anymore. He speeds off, leaving me miles behind while he zips around corners and weaves through traffic. When I ask him to slow down and ride with me, he gets mad, says I shouldn’t tell him how to ride, and then suggests we shouldn’t ride together at all. I don’t want that—I just want to enjoy a relaxing ride with him, not feel like I’m being left behind. We haven’t been intimate in a really long time, and when I try to talk about it, he brushes me off or responds with frustration. If I ask for affection—a hug or a kiss—he acts like it’s a chore. When I try to bring up the issue, he says he takes me on dates, so that should be enough. But to me, the intimacy and emotional connection are missing, and that’s what I need. I’ve tried suggesting marriage counseling several times, but he either shuts it down or claims it’s not worth the time or money. He even agreed to find a counselor at one point but never followed through. Recently, when I brought it up again, he said, “Maybe you just need to work on yourself,” and dismissed it completely. At this point, I’m really questioning whether this marriage is salvageable. He refuses to take any action to fix things, and I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t care enough to make the effort. So now I’m wondering if it’s time to walk away, especially if he doesn’t think counseling is necessary. Is it worth it to keep trying, or should I consider divorce?

2 months ago

484

It sounds like you are in a very challenging situation, and it's understandable that you're contemplating your next steps. Relationships evolve over time, and it seems like both you and your husband have experienced significant changes over the years. Here are some considerations regarding marriage counseling and your thoughts about potentially ending your marriage.

Understanding the Role of Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling can be a valuable tool for couples experiencing difficulties. It provides a safe space for both partners to express their feelings and concerns with the guidance of a neutral third party. Here are a few reasons why counseling might be worth considering:

Communication Improvement: Counselors can help facilitate better communication. For example, if you feel ignored when you reach out to your husband, a counselor can help both of you articulate your needs and expectations more effectively.
Identifying Patterns: A professional can help identify unhealthy patterns in your relationship, such as the imbalance in attention and effort you described. This can lead to insights that might not be apparent in everyday interactions.
Conflict Resolution: If disagreements arise, counseling can provide strategies for resolving conflicts in a constructive manner, rather than allowing them to fester.
Rekindling Intimacy: A counselor can assist in addressing the intimacy issues you've mentioned, helping both partners to reconnect emotionally and physically.

Your Husband's Resistance to Counseling

Your husband's dismissive attitude towards counseling raises some concerns. His belief that there is "nothing wrong" may indicate a lack of awareness regarding the depth of your feelings. Here are a few points to consider:

Denial of Issues: If he is unwilling to acknowledge the problems in your relationship, it may lead to stagnation. Effective counseling requires both partners to recognize and be willing to work on their issues.
Exploration of Values: His prioritization of friends and work over your relationship might suggest a misalignment of values. Understanding why he feels this way could be a focus in counseling.
Willingness to Change: His reluctance to seek help could indicate a lack of commitment to improving the relationship. This is a critical factor to consider when evaluating the future of your marriage.

Self-Reflection and Future Steps

Before making any decisions about divorce, it might be beneficial to engage in self-reflection:

Assess Your Needs: Consider what you truly want from your relationship. Are your needs being met? Are you happy? Understanding your desires will help you communicate them more clearly.
Explore Your Options: If counseling doesn't seem feasible, consider individual therapy. This can provide you with support and clarity as you navigate your feelings and choices.
Open a Dialogue: If you feel safe doing so, try to have an open conversation with your husband about your feelings. Express how his actions impact you and the relationship.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave your marriage is deeply personal and should be based on your well-being and happiness. If your husband continues to dismiss your concerns and refuses to engage in efforts to improve the relationship, it may be time to evaluate whether this partnership aligns with your future goals. Remember, you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, loved, and heard.

Consider seeking support from trusted friends, family, or a professional to help you through this process. You're not alone, and there are resources available to assist you in making the best decision for your life.

User Comments

There are no more blogs to show

Home Shop Groups