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We've been married for nearly 10 years and best friends for 20. Like most couples, the physical aspect of our relationship has had its ups and downs. Generally, I've been okay with it, but recently, after losing 65 pounds and feeling great about myself, my mindset has shifted. My husband has been incredibly supportive throughout my health journey and has been my biggest cheerleader. However, the one challenge we've been facing is that he's going through a phase where his libido is low, while I'm feeling more in the mood than ever. Today was wonderful—a relaxing New Year's Day, and we ended up going to bed. I was giving him a back rub, and he even helped me take off my bra. I was kissing him, trying to initiate intimacy, but as soon as I reached to continue, he shut it down. He works a physically demanding job and just wanted to sleep. So now, here I am venting on Reddit while he snores beside me, trying not to feel rejected.

2 months ago
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It's completely understandable to feel a mix of emotions in your situation. You've done an incredible job on your health journey, and it’s natural to want to share that joy and newfound confidence with your partner. However, the ebb and flow of physical intimacy in long-term relationships can sometimes create tension, especially when one partner is feeling more energized and desirous than the other.

First, it's important to recognize that libido can fluctuate for various reasons, including stress, fatigue, and physical demands of work. Your husband’s physically demanding job may be a significant factor in his current dip in libido. According to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, physical exhaustion can heavily influence sexual desire. If he's working long hours and engaging in strenuous activities, he may simply be too tired to engage in intimacy, even if he desires it at other times.

Here are a few strategies to consider:

  • Open Communication: Have a candid conversation about your feelings and desires. Try to express your needs without placing blame. You might say something like, “I’ve been feeling really good about myself lately and I’d love to share that with you. How can we make that happen?”
  • Timing and Environment: Consider the timing of your advances. If he's coming home from a physically demanding day, he might need some downtime before engaging in intimacy. Perhaps plan intimate moments for weekends or when he has a lighter workload.
  • Non-Sexual Affection: Focus on non-sexual touch and affection to strengthen your connection. Cuddling, kissing, or simply being close can help maintain intimacy without the pressure of sex.
  • Explore Together: Suggest exploring new activities together that might rekindle that spark. This could be a dance class, a weekend getaway, or even just a new date night routine. Sometimes, changing the scenery can reignite desire.

It’s also worth noting that as we go through life changes, partners may find themselves in different places emotionally and physically. This doesn’t mean that the love or attraction is gone; it just requires some adjustment and understanding. Acknowledge his support through your journey and express appreciation for it. You could say something like, “I really appreciate how supportive you’ve been during my health journey. It means the world to me.”

Lastly, consider that this period may be temporary. Many couples experience phases where one partner’s libido dips while the other’s rises. Patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt can go a long way in maintaining a strong connection. If this continues to be a significant issue, seeking guidance from a couple's therapist could also provide valuable insights and strategies.

Remember, it's about the journey together, and with open dialogue and empathy, you can navigate this phase while keeping your bond strong.

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