It sounds like you are going through an incredibly challenging and painful time in your marriage. Relationships can be complex, and when mental health issues like depression come into play, they can complicate matters even further. Here are some insights and perspectives that might help you navigate this situation:

Understanding Her Feelings

Your wife’s feelings of numbness and dissatisfaction may stem from her ongoing battle with depression. Depression can distort one’s perception of love and compatibility. It’s crucial to recognize that her feelings may not solely reflect her feelings towards you, but rather the struggles she is facing internally. Many individuals dealing with depression report feeling a sense of disconnect from their partners, even if they love them deeply.

Impact of Past Relationships and Expectations

It seems that your wife has a strong influence from her past experiences and media portrayals of love. This can create unrealistic expectations about what love should feel like. If she didn’t have the best examples of healthy relationships growing up, it might be hard for her to recognize the value of what she has with you. It’s important to communicate openly about these expectations and how they differ from reality.

Seeking Professional Help

It’s a positive step that she has agreed to couples counseling. Professional guidance can provide both of you with tools to communicate better and understand each other’s perspectives. It can also help her work through her depression and feelings of dissatisfaction in a safe environment. If she is open to it, individual therapy for her might also be beneficial to address her mental health issues directly.

Redefining Compatibility

Your mention of past beach trips and outdoor activities suggests that you have been willing to engage in experiences that she enjoys, even if they are not your first choice. Compatibility doesn’t solely depend on shared interests; it also involves emotional support, mutual respect, and the ability to communicate effectively. It may be worth discussing with her what compatibility means to both of you and how it can be nurtured.

The Role of Substance Use

Your wife’s use of marijuana as a coping mechanism can also play a role in her emotional state. While it can provide temporary relief, it may also hinder her ability to process her feelings and engage in meaningful conversations about your relationship. It might be helpful to gently encourage her to discuss this with her therapist, as they can address the underlying issues more effectively.

Personal Reflection and Self-Care

During this difficult time, it’s essential for you to take care of your emotional well-being as well. Engaging in self-care, seeking support from friends or family, and considering individual therapy can provide you with the strength to cope with the uncertainty of your relationship. It’s okay to feel hurt and confused; these feelings are valid.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, it’s important to have open and honest conversations about your feelings and desires for the future. If she truly believes that leaving is the best option for her happiness, it may be necessary to respect her decision, even though it is painful. Relationships can evolve, and sometimes separation can lead to personal growth for both partners.

Many people have faced similar situations, and outcomes vary widely. Some relationships survive these challenges, while others do not. Whatever the outcome, focusing on understanding, communication, and personal growth can help both of you navigate this tumultuous time.

Remember, you are not alone in this experience, and seeking support from others who have gone through similar situations can provide comfort and insights.