I (23F) have been navigating some challenging relationship issues with my husband (25M). Recently, he opened up about a conversation he had with his younger brother, who is 22. His brother actually confronted him about how he treats me, which took me by surprise. I’ve been hesitant to leave my husband, primarily because we have a child together, but I also care for him deeply. A few months ago, my husband went through a dark phase. He said and did things that hurt me, though he never physically harmed me or acted out in front of our child. I reached a breaking point and considered leaving him, especially since he hadn’t treated me well throughout our relationship. However, when I expressed my desire to leave, he broke down and pleaded with me to stay. I decided to give it another chance, and since then, he has shown significant improvement. For the past four months, he has been consistently attending therapy, and I’ve noticed that he has started to treat me more like an equal. He’s been more open with me, sharing his feelings and experiences, and I can see that he is also warmer towards others. Recently, while we were driving, I mentioned something his brother had told me about his girlfriend. Out of the blue, my husband admitted that his brother had yelled at him for not treating me better. I was shocked; I never thought anyone would notice the dynamics of our relationship. When I asked him for more details, he seemed embarrassed and downplayed it, saying his brother just told him he doesn’t treat me like a “woman.” It struck me that my husband acknowledged his past behavior, which was a significant step. Since that conversation, he has been asking me more about my preferences and how I would like to be treated. Normally, I would brush off these questions or say, “Whatever you want, honey,” but I’m starting to feel more confident and want to engage more meaningfully. Now, I’m unsure how to respond to his efforts. Should I let him continue figuring things out on his own, or should I engage more directly? I’m still processing the realization that someone outside our relationship noticed the issues we faced, and I feel a bit lost without anyone to talk to about it.

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Elpis Esmae

I (23F) have been navigating some challenging relationship issues with my husband (25M). Recently, he opened up about a conversation he had with his younger brother, who is 22. His brother actually confronted him about how he treats me, which took me by surprise. I’ve been hesitant to leave my husband, primarily because we have a child together, but I also care for him deeply. A few months ago, my husband went through a dark phase. He said and did things that hurt me, though he never physically harmed me or acted out in front of our child. I reached a breaking point and considered leaving him, especially since he hadn’t treated me well throughout our relationship. However, when I expressed my desire to leave, he broke down and pleaded with me to stay. I decided to give it another chance, and since then, he has shown significant improvement. For the past four months, he has been consistently attending therapy, and I’ve noticed that he has started to treat me more like an equal. He’s been more open with me, sharing his feelings and experiences, and I can see that he is also warmer towards others. Recently, while we were driving, I mentioned something his brother had told me about his girlfriend. Out of the blue, my husband admitted that his brother had yelled at him for not treating me better. I was shocked; I never thought anyone would notice the dynamics of our relationship. When I asked him for more details, he seemed embarrassed and downplayed it, saying his brother just told him he doesn’t treat me like a “woman.” It struck me that my husband acknowledged his past behavior, which was a significant step. Since that conversation, he has been asking me more about my preferences and how I would like to be treated. Normally, I would brush off these questions or say, “Whatever you want, honey,” but I’m starting to feel more confident and want to engage more meaningfully. Now, I’m unsure how to respond to his efforts. Should I let him continue figuring things out on his own, or should I engage more directly? I’m still processing the realization that someone outside our relationship noticed the issues we faced, and I feel a bit lost without anyone to talk to about it.

2 months ago

593

It's encouraging to hear that your husband has been making efforts to change, especially after he recognized the need to treat you better. His brother’s intervention might be a pivotal moment, not just for your husband but also for your relationship. Here are some thoughtful ways to approach this situation:

1. Acknowledge the Change

First, it's essential to acknowledge the progress your husband has made. You could say something like:

"I appreciate that you've been trying to treat me better and that you've been opening up more. It means a lot to me."

This acknowledgment can reinforce positive behavior and encourage him to continue on this path.

2. Share Your Feelings

Now that you feel more confident, it’s a good time to express your feelings about the situation. You might say:

"I was surprised to hear that your brother noticed how you treated me. It makes me feel validated, but it also makes me think about how we can improve our relationship even further."

This approach opens the door for a deeper conversation about your relationship dynamics.

3. Encourage Open Dialogue

Since he’s been asking about your likes and how you want to be treated, encourage this dialogue. You could respond with:

"I really appreciate you asking me how I want to be treated. It shows that you care. I’d love to share my thoughts with you."

This not only shows that you value his effort but also invites him to be more mindful in the future.

4. Set Boundaries and Expectations

As you navigate this change, it’s crucial to set clear boundaries and expectations for your relationship. You might say:

"While I appreciate the changes, I want to ensure that we both understand what we need from each other moving forward."

This statement can help establish a framework for how you both can work on your relationship together.

5. Be Patient and Observant

Change takes time, and it's essential to be patient. Keep observing his behavior and continue to communicate openly. You can say:

"I know it takes time to change habits, and I'm here to support you. Let’s continue to check in with each other."

6. Seek Support if Needed

If you feel overwhelmed or unsure, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. This can provide a safe space for both of you to explore your feelings and improve communication.

Conclusion

Ultimately, it’s about fostering a respectful and loving environment for both you and your child. Open communication is key, and by expressing your feelings and thoughts, you can help your husband understand the importance of treating you with the respect you deserve. Remember, it’s important to prioritize your emotional well-being, and taking these steps can help you both grow stronger together.

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