Caitlyn Gareth

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My husband (49) and I (45) have been married for almost 8 years. Just three months into our marriage, I was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and told I had only 18 months to live. Since then, I’ve fought hard and traveled across the U.S. for brain cancer trials. I’ve come close to death several times but always bounced back. However, on September 26, 2023, everything I thought I knew about my marriage came crashing down. Up until that moment, I had seen my husband as the most loving and supportive person. He stayed with me when he easily could have walked away. But on that day, I discovered that he had been having an affair. Despite the heartbreak, I tried to convince myself that maybe he had stepped out as a way to escape the stress of my illness. I wanted to believe that he still loved me and that I could forgive him, as long as he showed remorse and it never happened again. For the next 8 months, I felt completely torn. I didn't know what parts of our marriage were real and what was fake. I kept asking him for full disclosure, but he only gave me pieces of the truth when I had undeniable proof. He would still try to minimize things, but eventually, I got him to admit that he had been cheating on me since before our marriage with a total of 9 women. The pain was unbearable. Despite everything, I stayed. I loved him, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He changed his phone number, gave me access to all his social media and bank accounts, and even installed tracking software. He even changed jobs to work from home. But nothing seemed to ease the pain or help me trust him again. Months later, I asked him again for a timeline of his infidelities. He promised he would provide it but never did. I waited, hoping that he would finally come through, but instead, he refused again. I’ve been trying to heal by watching videos, reading, joining groups, and doing online therapy, but I feel like I’m carrying the burden alone. While he did some things with me, he never opened up to me about what he was doing on his own. The trauma is overwhelming. I’ve been triggered by names, experienced mind movies, nightmares, and PTSD symptoms. I even reached out to the women he cheated with and met with one of them. They all had similar stories: he told them we were in an open marriage due to my health and even forged an agreement with my name to prove it. He told them that I was his top priority but that he loved them. One woman even moved across the country, thinking he loved her. Some of them believed he would leave me for them. He told them that he had to stay married to me for legal reasons, to benefit from my malpractice suit when I die. He even said that he wished I would hurry up and die so he could be with them. I’m devastated. But despite everything, I stayed. I told myself he only did these things out of stress and the burden of watching his wife slowly die. I convinced myself that he loved me and that everything he said and did was a result of him not being able to process our reality. He’s still here with me, even though he gets nothing when I die. But after asking him again for a timeline and still receiving nothing, it became clear to me that he was still hiding something. When I confronted him, he just looked at me and walked away. That was the moment everything changed. All the love I thought I had for him walked out the door with him. I am exhausted from battling cancer and trying to salvage a marriage that I never asked for. I feel like I’m getting nothing but the bare minimum from him, and the pain has become unbearable. I know I have nowhere to go. If I leave, I’ll lose my insurance, and I’m afraid I may have just signed my own death certificate. But living with the pain he’s caused—and continues to cause—feels worse than death. I’ve never met someone so selfish. I am done. I just needed to vent. I don’t have anyone to talk to, and I didn’t want to put this on social media. Thank you for listening.