Sure, here’s a rewritten version of your story: I (48M) have been with my wife (45F) for nearly 20 years, and for most of that time, we had a strong and loving relationship. As a teenager, I’ve always prided myself on maintaining a healthy lifestyle—working out, eating well, and staying in good shape. I’ve kept to a manageable weight throughout the years, and I’ve always found that maintaining my fitness not only benefits my health but also my sense of self-esteem. I’ve never tried to push my lifestyle on anyone, especially my wife. I’ve always told her that if she ever wanted to join me in living a healthier way, I’d be more than happy, but it would be her choice. Over time, however, my wife has gained a significant amount of weight, and I’ve come to realize that it’s beyond the natural weight fluctuations that come with age or even "happy weight." She is now morbidly obese, and her eating habits are extremely unhealthy. I’ve tried to be supportive in various ways. I’ve asked her about her mental health, tried to be understanding if there were any underlying issues, but she insists she’s fine and doesn’t feel anything is out of the ordinary. The problem is, I’ve started to lose physical attraction to her. I still love her deeply, but since the weight gain, my feelings have changed. I find it hard to enjoy kissing her, being intimate, or even hugging her. I try to remind myself that she’s still the woman I love, but she just looks different now. It’s become difficult for me to reconcile these changes, and I’ve tried many approaches to address the issue. I’ve talked to her about it openly, trying to encourage healthier eating habits and suggesting that we work out together. I’ve also been more direct with her, but nothing seems to have worked. I know she isn’t unhappy in herself, and I don’t want to push her into something she’s not ready for. At this point, I’m at a crossroads. I don’t want to divorce her, and I don’t think an open marriage would solve the problem. But I’m concerned that if she doesn’t take her health seriously, my feelings of physical attraction will only continue to fade as she gains more weight. I love her deeply, but I don’t know how to navigate these feelings if nothing changes. TL;DR: My wife has become morbidly obese, and as a result, I’ve lost all physical attraction to her. I’ve tried talking to her about it, encouraging her to adopt a healthier lifestyle, but nothing has worked. I’m unsure how to handle this situation, as I still love her but feel disconnected physically.

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Sure, here’s a rewritten version of your story: I (48M) have been with my wife (45F) for nearly 20 years, and for most of that time, we had a strong and loving relationship. As a teenager, I’ve always prided myself on maintaining a healthy lifestyle—working out, eating well, and staying in good shape. I’ve kept to a manageable weight throughout the years, and I’ve always found that maintaining my fitness not only benefits my health but also my sense of self-esteem. I’ve never tried to push my lifestyle on anyone, especially my wife. I’ve always told her that if she ever wanted to join me in living a healthier way, I’d be more than happy, but it would be her choice. Over time, however, my wife has gained a significant amount of weight, and I’ve come to realize that it’s beyond the natural weight fluctuations that come with age or even "happy weight." She is now morbidly obese, and her eating habits are extremely unhealthy. I’ve tried to be supportive in various ways. I’ve asked her about her mental health, tried to be understanding if there were any underlying issues, but she insists she’s fine and doesn’t feel anything is out of the ordinary. The problem is, I’ve started to lose physical attraction to her. I still love her deeply, but since the weight gain, my feelings have changed. I find it hard to enjoy kissing her, being intimate, or even hugging her. I try to remind myself that she’s still the woman I love, but she just looks different now. It’s become difficult for me to reconcile these changes, and I’ve tried many approaches to address the issue. I’ve talked to her about it openly, trying to encourage healthier eating habits and suggesting that we work out together. I’ve also been more direct with her, but nothing seems to have worked. I know she isn’t unhappy in herself, and I don’t want to push her into something she’s not ready for. At this point, I’m at a crossroads. I don’t want to divorce her, and I don’t think an open marriage would solve the problem. But I’m concerned that if she doesn’t take her health seriously, my feelings of physical attraction will only continue to fade as she gains more weight. I love her deeply, but I don’t know how to navigate these feelings if nothing changes. TL;DR: My wife has become morbidly obese, and as a result, I’ve lost all physical attraction to her. I’ve tried talking to her about it, encouraging her to adopt a healthier lifestyle, but nothing has worked. I’m unsure how to handle this situation, as I still love her but feel disconnected physically.

2 months ago

It's important to recognize that attraction can be a complex issue, especially in long-term relationships. Your feelings are valid, but addressing them requires sensitivity and care. Here are some steps you might consider taking to navigate this situation:

1. Open Communication

Engaging in honest, yet compassionate conversations with your wife is crucial. You might start by expressing your love and concern for her health rather than focusing solely on her weight. For example, you could say:

"I love you and I care about your well-being. I've noticed some changes, and I want us to be healthy together."

This approach emphasizes your support rather than criticism, which can help her feel more comfortable discussing her feelings and challenges.

2. Encourage Healthy Activities Together

Instead of pushing her to lose weight, consider inviting her to participate in healthy activities that you can enjoy together. This could include:

Cooking Classes: Explore healthy cooking together to make nutritious meals fun.
Outdoor Activities: Go for walks, hikes, or bike rides, which can be enjoyable and promote fitness without the pressure of a gym environment.
Fitness Classes: Look for classes that cater to all fitness levels, where she might feel more comfortable.

By framing these activities as shared experiences, you can foster a sense of partnership and support.

3. Seek Professional Guidance

Sometimes, professional help can provide a new perspective. Consider suggesting that you both see a therapist, particularly one who specializes in couples therapy. A therapist can help facilitate discussions about body image, attraction, and emotional health in a safe space. You might say:

"I think it could be helpful for us to talk to someone together about how we’re feeling. It might give us new insights."

4. Focus on Emotional Connection

Attraction is not solely based on physical appearance; emotional intimacy plays a significant role. Spend time reconnecting emotionally by:

Engaging in Deep Conversations: Talk about dreams, fears, and aspirations to strengthen your bond.
Showing Affection: Find ways to express love that aren’t solely physical, such as spending quality time together or expressing appreciation.

Rebuilding emotional intimacy can sometimes rekindle physical attraction.

5. Reflect on Your Own Attitudes

Take some time to reflect on your own beliefs about weight and attraction. Consider how societal standards might have influenced your feelings. It can be helpful to challenge these thoughts and recognize that love encompasses more than physical appearance.

6. Be Patient and Understanding

Change takes time, and it’s important to be patient with both your wife and yourself. Acknowledge that you both are on this journey together. Celebrate small victories, whether they are related to health, emotional connection, or any other aspect of your relationship.

7. Consider Your Own Needs

If the situation doesn’t improve and you find that your feelings remain unchanged, it may be necessary to consider what you need in the relationship. This could involve seeking individual therapy to work through your feelings or discussing your needs with your wife in a constructive manner.

Conclusion

Addressing attraction issues in a long-term relationship can be challenging, but with open communication, shared activities, and professional support, it is possible to navigate this situation. Remember that love can evolve, and focusing on the overall health and happiness of both partners can lead to a more fulfilling relationship.

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