I'm truly sorry to hear about your situation. It’s understandable to feel lost and hurt after such a long-term relationship, especially one that has been marked by inconsistency and emotional turmoil. Here are some steps you can take to help you find closure and heal from this experience:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It’s important to allow yourself to feel the pain and confusion that come with being ghosted. Your feelings are valid. Journaling can be a therapeutic way to express these emotions. Write about your experiences, how you felt during the relationship, and how you feel now. For example:

• “I felt excited when he would surprise me with gifts, but I also felt anxious about his lack of communication.”
• “Being ghosted made me question my self-worth and my ability to maintain relationships.”

2. Reflect on the Relationship

Take some time to think about what you’ve learned from this relationship. Consider the following questions:

• What were the positive and negative aspects of the relationship?
• How did it impact your life and your goals?
• What red flags did you overlook?

Understanding these dynamics can help you gain insight into what you want in future relationships.

3. Set Boundaries for Yourself

Since you mentioned feeling tired of settling for less, it’s crucial to establish boundaries moving forward. This can include:

• Deciding what you will and won’t accept in future relationships.
• Limiting contact with your ex to help you heal.
• Taking time for yourself without feeling pressured to date again.

4. Seek Support

Talk to friends or family members about your feelings. Sometimes, just sharing your experience can lighten the emotional load. You could also consider seeking professional help, such as therapy, where a mental health professional can provide you with coping strategies and a safe space to explore your feelings.

5. Focus on Self-Care

Prioritize activities that make you feel happy and fulfilled. This could include:

• Engaging in hobbies you love.
• Exercising regularly to boost your mood.
• Practicing mindfulness or meditation to help center your thoughts.

Self-care can significantly improve your emotional well-being and help you regain confidence.

6. Create a Closure Ritual

Sometimes, creating a symbolic gesture can help provide closure. Consider writing a letter to your ex expressing your feelings and then choosing to either keep it, burn it, or bury it. This act can help signify the end of that chapter in your life.

7. Allow Yourself Time to Heal

Healing is not linear, and it’s essential to give yourself grace. It’s okay to have days when you feel sad or miss him. Just remember that you have the strength to move forward. The important thing is to keep taking steps towards your own happiness.

8. Revisit Your Goals

Since you mentioned struggling with your work and studies, now might be a great time to reassess your personal goals. What are your aspirations? What steps can you take to get back on track with your career or education? Setting new goals can provide you with a sense of purpose and direction.

Conclusion

Ultimately, it’s essential to remember that you deserve a relationship that fulfills you and respects your needs. Take this time to focus on yourself and your growth. Healing takes time, but with each step, you will find clarity and strength to move forward. Remember, it’s okay to be afraid of new relationships; just take your time to heal and rediscover yourself.