I (26M) am currently living in Germany with my girlfriend (26F), whom I met while on vacation in Europe three years ago. After we started a long-distance relationship, I moved to Germany a year later to pursue my master’s degree. I’m about to finish my degree in three months, but I’m feeling really torn about what to do next. If it weren’t for my girlfriend, I honestly wouldn’t have considered living in Germany in the first place. I’ve realized that I don’t see myself staying here long-term, and I miss the US—my home, my family, and the comfort of being in my own country. I don’t want to live in Germany for the rest of my life, and I also feel like my job prospects are more limited here due to the language barrier. Although I speak decent German, it would still be easier for me to find work in the US, where I could also be closer to my family and friends. The problem is, my girlfriend has built her life here, and I don’t think she’d be willing to leave. I don’t want to break up, but I also don’t want to feel stuck in a situation where I’m not happy. I’ve been working remotely for the past three years, and it’s been draining. I miss working in person and interacting with colleagues—it’s not something I want to continue long-term. But if I move back to the US, I won’t be able to see her as often, and I don’t want to make that kind of sacrifice if it means losing her. I’m really unsure about what to do. I want to be with her, but I feel conflicted because I miss my life in the US and I don’t see myself thriving in Germany. Any advice on how to navigate this situation?

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Vic Luitpold

I (26M) am currently living in Germany with my girlfriend (26F), whom I met while on vacation in Europe three years ago. After we started a long-distance relationship, I moved to Germany a year later to pursue my master’s degree. I’m about to finish my degree in three months, but I’m feeling really torn about what to do next. If it weren’t for my girlfriend, I honestly wouldn’t have considered living in Germany in the first place. I’ve realized that I don’t see myself staying here long-term, and I miss the US—my home, my family, and the comfort of being in my own country. I don’t want to live in Germany for the rest of my life, and I also feel like my job prospects are more limited here due to the language barrier. Although I speak decent German, it would still be easier for me to find work in the US, where I could also be closer to my family and friends. The problem is, my girlfriend has built her life here, and I don’t think she’d be willing to leave. I don’t want to break up, but I also don’t want to feel stuck in a situation where I’m not happy. I’ve been working remotely for the past three years, and it’s been draining. I miss working in person and interacting with colleagues—it’s not something I want to continue long-term. But if I move back to the US, I won’t be able to see her as often, and I don’t want to make that kind of sacrifice if it means losing her. I’m really unsure about what to do. I want to be with her, but I feel conflicted because I miss my life in the US and I don’t see myself thriving in Germany. Any advice on how to navigate this situation?

2 months ago

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It sounds like you are in a challenging situation, balancing your personal desires with the commitment you have to your girlfriend. Here are some considerations and potential paths you could take:

1. Evaluate Your Priorities

First, take some time to reflect on what is most important to you. Ask yourself:

What do I want in my career?
How important is being close to my family and friends?
How do I envision my future with my girlfriend?

Understanding your priorities will help guide your decision-making process.

2. Discuss Your Feelings with Your Girlfriend

Open communication is crucial in any relationship. Schedule a time to sit down with your girlfriend and discuss your feelings. Be honest about your desire to return to the US and how you feel about your future together. Consider discussing:

Your reasons for wanting to move back to the US.
Her thoughts on potentially moving to the US.
Possible long-term plans for your relationship.

Having a candid conversation can help both of you understand each other's perspectives better.

3. Explore Job Opportunities

Since you mentioned concerns about job prospects in Germany due to language barriers, consider researching job opportunities in the US that align with your career goals. You might find:

Industries that are booming in your field.
Companies that value international experience and diversity.
Networking opportunities that could help you land a job.

Even if you decide to stay in Germany for now, knowing your options back home can provide peace of mind.

4. Consider a Compromise

Sometimes, a middle ground can be beneficial. Here are a few options to consider:

Long-Term Visit: Could you stay in Germany for a limited time post-graduation to give your relationship a chance to grow while you job hunt in the US?
Trial Separation: Consider living apart for a while while pursuing your career in the US, with regular visits to maintain the relationship.
Explore Relocation: Discuss the possibility of her moving to the US, at least temporarily, to see how she adjusts.

Compromise might help you maintain your relationship while pursuing your personal goals.

5. Seek Professional Guidance

If you’re finding it particularly challenging to navigate this situation, consider speaking with a relationship counselor or career coach. They can provide tailored advice and strategies based on your specific circumstances.

6. Take Time to Reflect

Ultimately, this is a significant decision that will impact both your life and your girlfriend’s. Give yourself the time to reflect on what you truly want, and don't rush into any decisions. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your happiness and well-being.

Whatever you decide, ensure that you approach the situation with empathy and understanding, both for yourself and your girlfriend. Relationships require effort and compromise, and finding a balance that works for both of you is key.

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