It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation, and it’s understandable to feel torn between your friendship and the pressures from your husband. The ultimatum he’s giving you is concerning, especially considering the controlling nature of your marriage.

First, it’s important to acknowledge that healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding. Ultimatums often aren’t a constructive way to address issues, and they can be a sign of deeper issues in your relationship, particularly when control is involved. The fact that he’s bringing up a past issue from eight years ago and using it as a reason to dictate your social interactions suggests there may be unresolved tensions or insecurities on his part.

Here are a few steps you could consider:

1. Reflect on Your Marriage: Take a step back and think about the dynamics of your relationship. If your marriage is already rocky and your husband is being controlling, it’s worth considering whether this is a healthy relationship for you long-term. Ultimatums like this can indicate deeper issues that need to be addressed.
2. Open Communication: If you’re willing, have an honest conversation with your husband about how you’re feeling. Try to express your concerns calmly and clearly. It’s important to acknowledge his feelings, but also explain why it’s important for you to maintain your friendships and why his ultimatum is causing you distress.
3. Evaluate Your Priorities: Ultimately, you need to think about what’s best for your emotional well-being and personal autonomy. A healthy relationship should support your right to have independent friendships and activities, but if you’re feeling pressured and controlled, that’s a red flag.
4. Seek Outside Support: If you’re feeling uncertain or overwhelmed, it might help to talk to a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and make a decision that’s best for you.

You don’t deserve to feel trapped or manipulated, so take your time to consider your options and what aligns best with your values and needs.