I (25M) have been in an incredible relationship with my girlfriend (23F) for a few months now, and it's honestly been amazing. We've become completely head over heels for each other, and the love I feel for her is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I trust her with every part of me, and I’ve never felt so connected to someone. But recently, I’ve been feeling this overwhelming sense of inadequacy whenever we’re together, and it’s hard to shake. One of the reasons for this is that I feel like I’m falling behind in life compared to people my age. I’m not making excuses, but the circumstances I’ve faced have made things harder for me. Still, I’m pushing through and doing my best to make the most of what I have. But every time I’m with her, this feeling creeps up on me. She’s such an amazing person, and I can’t help but think she deserves better than what I feel I can give her. I do smoke weed, and while I know it’s something I need to work on, it’s been something I’ve used for my ADHD. The prescribed meds don’t work well for me, and cannabis has been a way to manage it. But I also know it’s something that I should cut back on, especially because I want to be better for myself—and for her. I’ve been smoking less when we’re together, not because I feel pressured, but because I truly want to make progress on it. I’ve taken her out on dates, shown her how much I appreciate her, and I know she feels loved. She’s said so herself. But for some reason, it never feels like it’s enough. I constantly feel like I should be doing more or being better, and this weight of inadequacy is starting to affect me. I know I’m working hard to give her the best, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m not living up to the standards I’ve set in my mind. I know I need to stop overthinking and just be present in the relationship, but these thoughts keep holding me back. I’m so lucky to have her, and I don’t want to let these feelings of inadequacy ruin what we have. I want to be the best partner I can be, but at times it feels like no matter what I do, it’s not enough. I’m working on improving myself—cutting down on smoking, becoming more self-assured, and really investing in us. But I need some advice on how to get past these feelings and learn to accept that I’m enough as I am. How do I stop doubting myself and just focus on building the relationship and the life we’re creating together?

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Roderick Karina

I (25M) have been in an incredible relationship with my girlfriend (23F) for a few months now, and it's honestly been amazing. We've become completely head over heels for each other, and the love I feel for her is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I trust her with every part of me, and I’ve never felt so connected to someone. But recently, I’ve been feeling this overwhelming sense of inadequacy whenever we’re together, and it’s hard to shake. One of the reasons for this is that I feel like I’m falling behind in life compared to people my age. I’m not making excuses, but the circumstances I’ve faced have made things harder for me. Still, I’m pushing through and doing my best to make the most of what I have. But every time I’m with her, this feeling creeps up on me. She’s such an amazing person, and I can’t help but think she deserves better than what I feel I can give her. I do smoke weed, and while I know it’s something I need to work on, it’s been something I’ve used for my ADHD. The prescribed meds don’t work well for me, and cannabis has been a way to manage it. But I also know it’s something that I should cut back on, especially because I want to be better for myself—and for her. I’ve been smoking less when we’re together, not because I feel pressured, but because I truly want to make progress on it. I’ve taken her out on dates, shown her how much I appreciate her, and I know she feels loved. She’s said so herself. But for some reason, it never feels like it’s enough. I constantly feel like I should be doing more or being better, and this weight of inadequacy is starting to affect me. I know I’m working hard to give her the best, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m not living up to the standards I’ve set in my mind. I know I need to stop overthinking and just be present in the relationship, but these thoughts keep holding me back. I’m so lucky to have her, and I don’t want to let these feelings of inadequacy ruin what we have. I want to be the best partner I can be, but at times it feels like no matter what I do, it’s not enough. I’m working on improving myself—cutting down on smoking, becoming more self-assured, and really investing in us. But I need some advice on how to get past these feelings and learn to accept that I’m enough as I am. How do I stop doubting myself and just focus on building the relationship and the life we’re creating together?

2 months ago

First and foremost, it's important to recognize that feelings of inadequacy are common in relationships, especially when we deeply care for someone. It's great to hear that you and your girlfriend have such a strong connection. Here are some key points to consider as you navigate your feelings:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It's completely valid to feel like you're not good enough at times. These feelings often stem from comparing ourselves to others, which can be misleading. Remember that everyone has their own journey, and what matters is how you grow and evolve as an individual. Consider journaling about your feelings to reflect on your progress and achievements.

2. Focus on Self-Improvement

Your desire to be better is commendable. Setting personal goals can help you feel more accomplished and fulfilled. Here are some suggestions:

Limit Cannabis Use: Since you're already working on reducing your usage, consider setting specific goals for yourself. For instance, you could try reducing your intake by a certain amount each week.
Explore New Hobbies: Engaging in activities that interest you can boost your confidence. Whether it's sports, art, or volunteering, find something that excites you.
Seek Professional Help: If you're struggling with ADHD and the side effects of conventional medications, consult a healthcare professional who can help you find a suitable alternative. This can improve your overall well-being.

3. Communicate Openly with Your Girlfriend

It sounds like your girlfriend values you and appreciates what you bring to the relationship. Open communication is vital. Share your feelings with her. Let her know about your insecurities and your desire to improve. This can strengthen your bond and help her understand your perspective.

4. Challenge Negative Thoughts

When feelings of inadequacy arise, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself:

What evidence do I have that supports or contradicts this feeling?
What would I tell a friend who feels this way?
What are my strengths and accomplishments?

Reframing negative thoughts can help you see your worth more clearly.

5. Embrace Your Unique Journey

Your girlfriend appreciates you for who you are, not for who you think you should be. Embrace your journey, including the challenges you've faced. Every experience has shaped you into the person you are today. Focus on your relationship's positive aspects and shared experiences, rather than comparing yourself to others.

6. Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself. Recognize that growth takes time, and it's okay to have setbacks. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend.

7. Consider the Relationship's Future

As you work on your personal growth, evaluate your relationship. Does it bring you joy? Are both of you committed to supporting each other? If the answers are yes, then pursuing the relationship is worthwhile. Remember, relationships are about mutual growth and support.

Conclusion

Feeling inadequate is a common experience, but it doesn't define your worth or your relationship. Focus on self-improvement, communicate openly with your girlfriend, and challenge negative thoughts. By doing so, you can overcome these feelings and continue to build a loving and fulfilling relationship. Remember, love is about acceptance and growth together.

Ultimately, trust your instincts and take things one step at a time. Wishing you the best in your journey and relationship!

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