In situations like this, where trust has already eroded, discovering infidelity can be particularly painful and complex. It's important to consider the emotional context and the state of the relationship leading up to the incident. Here’s a detailed breakdown of how one might approach such a scenario:

1. Reflect on the Relationship:

Before jumping to conclusions, it’s essential to reflect on the overall health of the relationship. If both partners have been feeling disconnected, it may not just be an issue of cheating but rather a larger communication breakdown. For example, consider whether there were prior discussions about dissatisfaction or unmet needs.

2. Confrontation:

When you discovered the messages, confronting your partner was a necessary step. However, how you approach that confrontation can significantly impact the outcome. Instead of an accusatory tone, framing your feelings can lead to a more constructive conversation. For instance, saying, "I felt hurt and betrayed when I read your messages," rather than "You cheated on me!" can help keep the dialogue open.

3. Understanding the Context:

Understanding why the infidelity occurred is also crucial. In your case, it seems that both partners were in a bad place. This might indicate that the cheating was a symptom of larger issues rather than a premeditated act of betrayal. Engaging in a discussion about what led to her actions can provide insights into whether the relationship can be salvaged.

4. Assessing the Future:

Deciding whether to continue the relationship after such a breach is challenging. Consider whether both parties are willing to work on rebuilding trust. For instance, couples therapy can be a beneficial option for addressing underlying issues and improving communication. Research indicates that couples who actively work on their relationship post-infidelity can often emerge stronger if both parties are committed. (Reference: Psychology Today)

5. Personal Growth:

Regardless of the outcome, this experience can be a catalyst for personal growth. It’s important to take time to heal and reflect on what you want in future relationships. Journaling, talking to friends, or seeking professional help can aid in processing the emotions involved. For example, consider asking yourself questions like, "What do I need from a partner?" or "How can I communicate better in future relationships?"

6. Moving Forward:

Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave a relationship after infidelity is deeply personal. If you choose to part ways, focus on the lessons learned and how you can apply them moving forward. It’s essential to surround yourself with supportive friends and engage in activities that promote your well-being.

In conclusion, if I found myself in your situation, I would prioritize open communication and understanding the underlying issues. Whether to continue the relationship would depend on both parties' willingness to address the problems and rebuild trust. The journey after such an experience can be challenging, but it can also lead to significant personal growth and healthier future relationships.