I (26F) have been with my fiancé (30M) for a while, and we’re in a good relationship overall, but recently, a situation has come up that has me questioning things. My fiancé was in a car accident and thankfully wasn’t hurt, but his car was totaled. The mechanic said it’s beyond repair, and now he needs a new car for work. So, he started looking into car loans, but because of his bad credit, he can't get a good loan on his own. During dinner, he brought up the idea of me cosigning the loan with him, since my credit score is much higher. It completely caught me off guard, and I was unsure about how to respond. I told him I needed a few days to think about it. Afterward, I called my dad for advice, and he strongly recommended that I not cosign the loan. He explained that if my fiancé misses any payments, I’d be responsible for the loan, and it could severely damage my credit. I want to be supportive of my fiancé, but my dad’s advice makes sense, and I’m hesitant to take on that risk. The idea of potentially ruining my credit or being stuck with debt if my fiancé doesn’t keep up with payments is concerning. I still care deeply for him, but this situation has left me feeling conflicted. Now, I’ve been thinking about what to do next, and it’s been hard to know how to proceed. When we talk again, I need to express my concerns, but I also don’t want to make him feel like I’m rejecting him or his needs. What should I say when we have this conversation? How do I approach this delicate issue without it escalating? TL;DR: My fiancé bought a car without discussing it with me, and now I’m being asked to cosign a loan for it. I’m unsure whether to go through with it because I’m worried about the financial risks. How do I handle this situation when we talk again?

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Luna Sydnee

I (26F) have been with my fiancé (30M) for a while, and we’re in a good relationship overall, but recently, a situation has come up that has me questioning things. My fiancé was in a car accident and thankfully wasn’t hurt, but his car was totaled. The mechanic said it’s beyond repair, and now he needs a new car for work. So, he started looking into car loans, but because of his bad credit, he can't get a good loan on his own. During dinner, he brought up the idea of me cosigning the loan with him, since my credit score is much higher. It completely caught me off guard, and I was unsure about how to respond. I told him I needed a few days to think about it. Afterward, I called my dad for advice, and he strongly recommended that I not cosign the loan. He explained that if my fiancé misses any payments, I’d be responsible for the loan, and it could severely damage my credit. I want to be supportive of my fiancé, but my dad’s advice makes sense, and I’m hesitant to take on that risk. The idea of potentially ruining my credit or being stuck with debt if my fiancé doesn’t keep up with payments is concerning. I still care deeply for him, but this situation has left me feeling conflicted. Now, I’ve been thinking about what to do next, and it’s been hard to know how to proceed. When we talk again, I need to express my concerns, but I also don’t want to make him feel like I’m rejecting him or his needs. What should I say when we have this conversation? How do I approach this delicate issue without it escalating? TL;DR: My fiancé bought a car without discussing it with me, and now I’m being asked to cosign a loan for it. I’m unsure whether to go through with it because I’m worried about the financial risks. How do I handle this situation when we talk again?

2 months ago

When you talk to your fiancé again after taking some time to think, it's important to approach the conversation with clarity, honesty, and an open mind. Here are some suggestions on how to navigate this sensitive topic:

1. Start with Your Feelings

Begin the conversation by expressing how you felt when he bought the car without discussing it with you first. You might say:

"I want to start by saying that I felt surprised and a bit hurt when I learned you bought the car without talking to me. It’s important for me that we make major financial decisions together as a couple."

2. Discuss the Financial Implications

Share your concerns about cosigning the loan. Explain that while you want to support him, you also need to protect your financial future:

"I understand that you need a car for work, and I want to support you. However, my dad raised some valid points about cosigning a loan. If you were to miss payments, it could negatively impact my credit score, and that worries me."

3. Explore Alternatives

Suggest discussing alternative solutions together. This shows that you are willing to help but are also looking for a responsible way forward:

"Could we explore other options? Maybe we can look into a more affordable vehicle, or see if there are any programs that could help you get a loan without needing a cosigner."

4. Emphasize Teamwork

Reiterate that you view your relationship as a partnership and that you want to make decisions together:

"I want us to be a team in this. It’s important that we communicate openly about our finances and make these decisions together. I love you and want to support you, but I also need to feel secure in our financial future."

5. Set Boundaries

If it seems necessary, you may want to set some boundaries regarding financial decisions:

"Moving forward, I think it would be best if we discuss any major purchases or financial commitments together first. This way, we can both feel heard and respected."

6. Listen to His Perspective

After sharing your thoughts, give him the opportunity to express his feelings and perspective. This will help you both understand each other better:

"I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. How do you feel about what I said?"

7. Conclude with Support

Finally, end the conversation on a supportive note. Remind him that you care and are committed to finding a solution together:

"I care about you and want us to find a way to navigate this together. Let’s keep talking about how we can support each other through this situation."

By approaching the conversation with empathy and a collaborative mindset, you can address your concerns while also supporting your fiancé in a way that feels right for you both. Remember, open communication is key in any relationship, especially when it comes to finances.

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