Your situation sounds incredibly challenging, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling emotionally drained and disconnected. Here are some steps to consider to help navigate this difficult time:

1. Establish Boundaries:

• Clearly communicate your emotional and mental needs to your husband. Explain that you need more than surface-level conversations to feel connected and that his constant attempts to control or interrogate you are suffocating.
• Set firm boundaries about how often you’re willing to engage in certain conversations. For example, if he calls you constantly or interrogates you, let him know that these behaviors are affecting your mental health and the relationship.

1. Seek Therapy:

• Couples counseling could help both of you address the underlying issues in your relationship, especially his abandonment fears and your emotional disconnection. Therapy may also give you both the space to express your feelings and understand each other better.
• Individual therapy for yourself could also be valuable. It might help you gain clarity on your feelings and equip you with strategies for navigating this challenging dynamic.

1. Reassess Your Needs:

• Take time to reflect on what you need from the relationship. It’s important to be honest with yourself about whether these needs can be met in this marriage.
• Communicate your feelings to your husband, but also be prepared to make tough decisions if things don’t change. Your emotional well-being should be prioritized.

1. Address the Power Imbalance:

• His actions may be stemming from deep insecurity, but this shouldn’t excuse the emotional neglect and control issues. Help him recognize that a healthy relationship requires mutual emotional investment. It’s not enough to be "nice" and attentive in small, transactional ways if there’s no real emotional or intellectual connection.
• You may need to assertively express that you require more from him, not just in terms of attention but also in emotional openness and effort to address the relationship’s deeper issues.

1. Create Emotional Distance:

• If you’re feeling suffocated and exhausted, it’s okay to create some emotional space, even if it’s temporarily. Give yourself time to breathe and evaluate what’s best for you.
• Let him know that you need this space for your mental health and that this is not a rejection of him but a necessity to regain perspective.

1. Consider Your Options:

• If you continue to feel like your needs aren’t being met and there’s no real effort on his part to address his insecurities or the relationship’s shortcomings, you may need to consider whether staying in the marriage is healthy for you in the long term. Your emotional health is just as important as his.

Ultimately, it’s crucial to communicate your needs clearly, create boundaries, and prioritize your mental well-being. Seeking professional help can provide guidance as you navigate this tough situation. You deserve a relationship where your emotional needs are met and where there is genuine connection and respect.