As a homemaker, my wife typically handles most of the grocery shopping and meal planning, deciding on what we’ll eat and preparing most of the dinners (though I do my part with BBQs during the warmer months). Recently, we went to the supermarket together, and I decided to add some fish to the cart. Since she isn’t a big fan of fish, it was a treat for me. After my wife took a nap in the afternoon, I came home from work to find her still sleeping, and when I asked the kids (teenagers), they mentioned she didn’t have plans for dinner. I decided to cook the fish I bought and involved my daughter in preparing it, which was a fun experience for us. I had two large pieces of fish and thought it would be a nice addition to whatever my wife had planned. The fish turned out great, and when I sat down to eat, my wife suddenly exploded in anger. She was worried that there might be bones in the fish, which could make me sick. I reassured her that I was being careful to remove any bones, but that wasn’t enough. She angrily took my plate away, raised her voice, and left me sitting at the dinner table without food. Meanwhile, she and the kids were eating chicken nuggets and fries. She shouted, "If he wants food, he can get it for himself." I was left feeling humiliated, sitting at the table alone. After a few minutes, I eventually got up and made my own plate. The whole experience was embarrassing because of the way she shouted at me, took my food away without my consent, and did so in front of the kids. She later apologized, but when I explained how humiliated I felt, she didn’t fully understand. I feel like I need to have another conversation with her to express my feelings more clearly so that she can understand and hopefully avoid a similar situation in the future. "tl;dr": My wife’s angry outburst left me feeling humiliated in front of our teenage kids. Looking for advice on how to talk to her about it.

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Brynn Priscilla

As a homemaker, my wife typically handles most of the grocery shopping and meal planning, deciding on what we’ll eat and preparing most of the dinners (though I do my part with BBQs during the warmer months). Recently, we went to the supermarket together, and I decided to add some fish to the cart. Since she isn’t a big fan of fish, it was a treat for me. After my wife took a nap in the afternoon, I came home from work to find her still sleeping, and when I asked the kids (teenagers), they mentioned she didn’t have plans for dinner. I decided to cook the fish I bought and involved my daughter in preparing it, which was a fun experience for us. I had two large pieces of fish and thought it would be a nice addition to whatever my wife had planned. The fish turned out great, and when I sat down to eat, my wife suddenly exploded in anger. She was worried that there might be bones in the fish, which could make me sick. I reassured her that I was being careful to remove any bones, but that wasn’t enough. She angrily took my plate away, raised her voice, and left me sitting at the dinner table without food. Meanwhile, she and the kids were eating chicken nuggets and fries. She shouted, "If he wants food, he can get it for himself." I was left feeling humiliated, sitting at the table alone. After a few minutes, I eventually got up and made my own plate. The whole experience was embarrassing because of the way she shouted at me, took my food away without my consent, and did so in front of the kids. She later apologized, but when I explained how humiliated I felt, she didn’t fully understand. I feel like I need to have another conversation with her to express my feelings more clearly so that she can understand and hopefully avoid a similar situation in the future. "tl;dr": My wife’s angry outburst left me feeling humiliated in front of our teenage kids. Looking for advice on how to talk to her about it.

2 months ago

284

It sounds like you had a challenging experience that left you feeling hurt and embarrassed, especially given the public nature of the incident in front of your children. Communication is key in relationships, and it’s great that you want to have a conversation with your wife to express your feelings. Here are some steps and suggestions on how to approach this discussion effectively:

1. Choose the Right Time and Place

Timing is crucial. Find a moment when both you and your wife are calm and can talk without distractions. Avoid bringing it up during stressful times or immediately after a disagreement. A quiet evening after the kids are in bed or during a weekend can be ideal.

2. Use "I" Statements

When expressing your feelings, try to use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. This helps to avoid sounding accusatory and focuses on your feelings. For example:

Instead of: "You embarrassed me in front of the kids."
Try: "I felt humiliated when you took my plate away in front of the kids."

3. Explain Your Perspective

Share your thoughts on the situation. You might say:

"I was really excited to cook the fish and involve our daughter in the process. When you reacted the way you did, it made me feel like my effort wasn’t appreciated and that I was being punished for trying to do something nice."

4. Acknowledge Her Concerns

It’s important to recognize her worries about the fish. You can say:

"I understand that you were concerned about the bones in the fish and my health. I appreciate that you care about me, but I was careful and wanted you to trust me on that."

5. Discuss the Impact

Help her understand the emotional impact of her actions. You could express:

"When you shouted and took my food away, it made me feel disrespected and alone. I want to feel supported in our home, and moments like that can be really hurtful."

6. Suggest Future Solutions

Propose ways to handle similar situations in the future. For instance:

"In the future, if you have concerns about what I’m cooking, I’d love for us to talk about it calmly rather than react in the moment. It could help us avoid misunderstandings."

7. Listen to Her Side

After you’ve shared your feelings, invite her to express her thoughts. This is a two-way conversation, and understanding her perspective is just as important. Ask open-ended questions like:

"What were you feeling when I served the fish?"

8. Reaffirm Your Commitment

End the conversation on a positive note by reaffirming your love and commitment to each other. You might say:

"I love you, and I appreciate everything you do for our family. I just want us to communicate better so we can avoid misunderstandings in the future."

9. Follow Up

After your conversation, it’s essential to check in with each other periodically. This can help reinforce the communication strategies you've discussed and ensure that both of you feel heard and understood.

By approaching the conversation with empathy and understanding, you can create a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and work towards a healthier communication dynamic in your relationship. Remember, the goal is to strengthen your bond and prevent similar misunderstandings in the future.

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