It sounds like you're navigating a very delicate situation, and it's important to address this with both care and clarity. Here are some steps and strategies that can help you communicate your feelings to Jack effectively:

1. Open a Dialogue

Choose a calm time to talk with Jack, away from distractions. Instead of launching into a confrontation, try starting the conversation with an expression of love and appreciation for him. You might say:

"I love you and I cherish our time together. I want to talk about something that has been bothering me, and I hope we can find a solution together."

2. Use "I" Statements

When discussing your feelings, use "I" statements to express how his actions affect you. This helps to prevent him from feeling attacked. For example:

"I felt really lonely and hurt on Christmas when I was left alone. I want to feel like I am your priority, especially during special occasions."

3. Set Boundaries Together

Discuss what boundaries you both need regarding family interactions. This could include:

• Deciding how much time you spend with each family during holidays.
• Establishing clear expectations about communication when one of you is with family.
• Creating a plan for how to handle future family events to ensure both sides feel valued.

4. Emphasize Your New Family Unit

Remind Jack that your marriage creates a new family unit. You could say:

"As we build our life together, I hope we can focus on creating traditions that are just ours, while still honoring our families. It's important to me that we prioritize our relationship."

5. Acknowledge His Feelings

Jack may feel torn between you and his mother. Acknowledge that it can be difficult for him too, especially if he is used to being his mom’s primary support. You might say:

"I understand that this is hard for you, and I appreciate how much you love your mom. I want to find a way for us to balance both our families."

6. Suggest Compromises

Propose compromises that can satisfy both your needs and his mother’s expectations. For example:

• Designate specific holidays or times where you will spend with each family.
• Plan family gatherings that include both sides or alternate holidays each year.

7. Seek Support

If these discussions are challenging, consider seeking the help of a marriage counselor. They can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your feelings and work through this issue constructively.

8. Be Patient

Change takes time, especially in family dynamics. Be patient with Jack as he adjusts to the new priorities in your life together. Celebrate small victories, and reinforce positive changes when they happen.

9. Reflect on Progress

After having these conversations and implementing changes, revisit the topic after some time. Discuss what is working and what might still need adjustment. This ongoing communication will help strengthen your relationship.

Ultimately, it’s important to foster a partnership based on understanding and mutual respect. By expressing your feelings clearly and working together on solutions, you can help Jack understand the importance of prioritizing your relationship while still respecting family ties.