I'm a 22-year-old woman, and my dad (54) recently texted me and my brother (19) in a group chat, telling us he had found someone else who made him happier. He’s been married to my mom (54) for 31 years. It turns out he met this new woman, “Sandy,” on Twitter. Sandy lives across the country and had flown in to see him for a week in November. The next morning, my dad said he felt guilty and wanted to work on our family. He came back home, and my mom agreed to try to fix their marriage. However, by early December, I discovered he was still talking to Sandy. My mom was in denial but continued to try to work on things. Then, on December 23, my dad called me and said he was leaving for good to be with Sandy because she made him happy. Christmas Eve was devastating for my mom, my brother, and me—we spent it together, and I’ve never seen my mom so heartbroken. On Christmas morning, my dad texted my mom, saying Sandy had kicked him out, feeling she wasn’t a “good Christian” for breaking up a marriage. My dad returned home, and my mom took him back again, but things feel completely wrong. I’ve since learned that my dad drained my and my brother’s savings accounts to pay for bills and, likely, for his time with Sandy. These accounts were opened when we were kids, and he was the co-signer, so we never had full control over them. I don’t trust my dad anymore, and the family dynamic feels shattered. On top of that, I’m struggling financially because of the money he took. I feel emotionally and financially lost and would really appreciate guidance on how to move forward.

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Kit Dax

I'm a 22-year-old woman, and my dad (54) recently texted me and my brother (19) in a group chat, telling us he had found someone else who made him happier. He’s been married to my mom (54) for 31 years. It turns out he met this new woman, “Sandy,” on Twitter. Sandy lives across the country and had flown in to see him for a week in November. The next morning, my dad said he felt guilty and wanted to work on our family. He came back home, and my mom agreed to try to fix their marriage. However, by early December, I discovered he was still talking to Sandy. My mom was in denial but continued to try to work on things. Then, on December 23, my dad called me and said he was leaving for good to be with Sandy because she made him happy. Christmas Eve was devastating for my mom, my brother, and me—we spent it together, and I’ve never seen my mom so heartbroken. On Christmas morning, my dad texted my mom, saying Sandy had kicked him out, feeling she wasn’t a “good Christian” for breaking up a marriage. My dad returned home, and my mom took him back again, but things feel completely wrong. I’ve since learned that my dad drained my and my brother’s savings accounts to pay for bills and, likely, for his time with Sandy. These accounts were opened when we were kids, and he was the co-signer, so we never had full control over them. I don’t trust my dad anymore, and the family dynamic feels shattered. On top of that, I’m struggling financially because of the money he took. I feel emotionally and financially lost and would really appreciate guidance on how to move forward.

2 months ago

993

It’s understandable that you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed and financially vulnerable given the circumstances. Your father's actions have not only disrupted your family dynamic but have also placed you in a challenging financial situation. Here are some steps and considerations that may help you navigate this difficult time:

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

It’s important to allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up—anger, sadness, confusion, or betrayal. These feelings are valid and part of the healing process. Consider journaling your thoughts or speaking with a trusted friend or therapist to help process your emotions.

2. Communicate with Your Family

Have open and honest conversations with your mom and brother about how you all feel. It’s likely that you’re not alone in your feelings of hurt and betrayal. Discussing your emotions can help strengthen your bond as a family and provide mutual support.

3. Establish Boundaries with Your Dad

Given your father's actions, it may be necessary to set boundaries to protect yourself emotionally and financially. You could consider limiting your interactions with him until you feel more comfortable. If you do communicate, keep conversations focused on necessary family matters rather than personal feelings.

4. Seek Financial Guidance

Since your father has drained your and your brother’s savings accounts, it may be wise to consult a financial advisor or a trusted adult who can help you navigate your financial situation. They can guide you on how to regain control of your finances and provide strategies for budgeting and saving.

5. Explore Legal Options

If your father’s actions regarding the savings accounts were unauthorized or if there is a significant impact on your financial stability, it may be worth exploring legal recourse. Consider consulting with a lawyer who specializes in family law or financial matters to understand your rights and options.

6. Focus on Self-Care

During this challenging time, prioritize self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's exercising, reading, or spending time with friends. Taking care of your mental and physical health is crucial as you work through these emotions.

7. Consider Professional Support

Therapy can be an invaluable resource during times of family turmoil. A mental health professional can provide a safe space to discuss your feelings and help you develop coping strategies. Look for therapists who specialize in family dynamics or trauma.

8. Reflect on Your Values

Take some time to reflect on what you value in relationships and family. Understanding your own values can help you navigate your feelings towards your father and the situation as a whole. This reflection can guide your decisions moving forward.

9. Plan for the Future

As you work through your feelings and financial situation, start thinking about your future goals. Whether it’s pursuing a particular career, furthering your education, or financial independence, having a plan can provide a sense of direction and purpose.

In conclusion, remember that healing takes time, and it’s okay to seek help along the way. Surround yourself with supportive people, and take proactive steps towards your emotional and financial recovery. You are not alone in this, and there are resources available to help you navigate through these challenges.

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