It sounds like you are going through a very challenging and emotionally draining situation. It’s important to acknowledge the impact that your husband’s behavior and the current circumstances are having on your mental health, your relationship with your son, and your overall quality of life. Here are some considerations and potential steps you might take to address your situation:

1. Recognize Your Feelings

Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and drained is a natural response to the circumstances you described. It’s crucial to validate your feelings and understand that it’s okay to seek support. Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate your emotions and provide strategies for coping with your husband's negativity and emotional abuse.

2. Establish Boundaries

Given your husband's history of emotional abuse, setting boundaries is essential for your well-being. Here are some strategies:

• Communication: Have a calm conversation with your husband about how his behavior affects you and your son. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory, such as, "I feel overwhelmed when the house is chaotic."
• Personal Space: Designate specific areas in your apartment for work and relaxation. If possible, create a dedicated workspace that minimizes interruptions.
• Limit TV Time: Suggest alternative activities that could occupy your husband's time, such as reading, outdoor activities, or even seeking employment opportunities.

3. Involve Your Son

Your son’s feelings of having no privacy are valid and should be addressed. Engage him in the conversation about how to create a more harmonious living environment. Encourage him to express his needs, and work together as a family to establish shared spaces and "quiet hours" to facilitate everyone’s comfort.

4. Address the Dog Situation

Having an untrained dog can add to the chaos. Consider these options:

• Training Classes: Look for local dog training classes or online resources that can help your husband see the benefits of training the dog and how it can improve their relationship.
• Shared Responsibility: Discuss the possibility of sharing pet responsibilities with your husband and son, creating a routine that helps manage the dog's energy and behavior.

5. Financial Considerations

Financial strain can exacerbate stress in relationships. Consider the following:

• Budgeting: Create a budget to track expenses and identify areas where you can cut costs. Involve your husband in this process to encourage accountability.
• Seek Professional Help: A financial advisor or counselor can provide guidance on managing your finances during this transition.

6. Exploring Divorce

If you feel that the situation is untenable, it’s worth exploring the option of divorce. Here are some considerations:

• Legal Consultation: Consult with a family law attorney to understand your rights and options. They can help you navigate the complexities of divorce, especially concerning your son’s college expenses.
• Support Network: Lean on friends, family, or support groups during this time. Having a support network can ease the transition and provide emotional backing.

7. Self-Care

Amid all this, prioritize self-care. Engaging in activities that bring you joy, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends, can help replenish your emotional reserves.

8. Long-Term Planning

As your son approaches college, consider long-term planning regarding living arrangements, finances, and emotional support structures. Research resources available for single parents, such as community programs, scholarships, or grants for education.

Ultimately, it’s crucial to take steps that protect your mental health and that of your son. You deserve to live in a supportive and nurturing environment. Reaching out for help, whether through professional counseling or support groups, can be a vital step toward reclaiming your life and well-being.