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I have a friend who’s been married for ten years. She has a two-year-old child, and her husband asked for a divorce about a month ago. She has always struggled with her weight and has had the same body type since before they got married. The reason he gave for wanting a divorce is her weight. He mentioned that he had brought it up years ago—asking her to lose weight and change her style—but she found it difficult to make those changes. To make up for it, she went above and beyond by planning dates and trips to his favorite countries, but it seems that none of it was enough for him. My friend is incredibly kind and considerate. Even after having their child, she ensured he never felt neglected or left out. She says he’s been a wonderful dad and husband throughout their marriage, despite the fact that he brought up separation years ago for this same issue. She considers him her best friend and says he’s always supported her and her career, which makes his decision to divorce so difficult for her to accept. She keeps crying and holds onto hope that he might change his mind. It’s been over a month now, and he hasn’t wavered. She mentioned that when they last spoke in person, he seemed apathetic—something very out of character for him. He told her he’s no longer in love with her and that even if she changed her appearance, he would still want to separate. I’d really appreciate any advice or input on how I can help her during this incredibly painful time.

2 months ago
924

Supporting your friend during this challenging time requires empathy, understanding, and practical advice. Here are some ways you can help her cope with her feelings and navigate through this painful situation:

1. Be a Listening Ear

Sometimes, the most valuable thing you can offer is your presence. Allow her to express her feelings without judgment. Let her talk about her pain, fears, and hopes. Acknowledge her feelings by saying things like, "It’s understandable to feel heartbroken and confused right now." This can help her feel validated and less alone.

2. Encourage Self-Care

Remind her of the importance of taking care of herself during this time. Suggest activities that promote mental and physical well-being, such as:

  • Exercise: Physical activity can help alleviate stress and improve mood. Consider inviting her for walks, yoga classes, or any form of exercise she enjoys.
  • Healthy Eating: Encourage her to focus on nourishing her body with healthy foods. This isn’t about weight loss but rather about feeling good and energized.
  • Mindfulness and Relaxation: Practices like meditation, deep breathing, or journaling can help her process her emotions and reduce anxiety.

3. Offer Practical Support

Help her manage daily responsibilities, especially since she has a young child. You could:

  • Offer to babysit so she can have some time for herself.
  • Assist with household chores or meal preparation.
  • Help her research support groups or counseling services that specialize in divorce and emotional healing.

4. Suggest Professional Help

Encourage her to consider speaking to a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide her with tools to cope with her emotions and help her navigate the complexities of her situation. You might say, "It could be really beneficial to talk to someone who can help you work through these feelings."

5. Help Shift Perspective

While it’s natural for her to hold onto hope, gently remind her that her husband’s decision may reflect his own issues rather than her worth. You could express this by saying, "His decision seems more about him than it is about you. You are deserving of love and respect, regardless of your appearance." Encourage her to focus on her strengths and the positive aspects of her life.

6. Create New Memories

Engage her in activities that can help create new, positive memories. This could include:

  • Planning fun outings or adventures together, such as hiking, visiting museums, or attending events.
  • Trying out new hobbies or classes that interest her, which can also serve as a distraction.

7. Be Patient

Understand that healing takes time. There may be ups and downs in her emotional state. Continue to check in on her regularly, offering support and reminding her that you are there for her no matter what.

8. Encourage Social Connections

Help her reconnect with friends and family. Social support is crucial during tough times. Encourage her to join groups or activities where she can meet new people and build a supportive network.

In summary, while your friend is going through a difficult time, your support can make a significant difference in her healing process. Remind her that she is valued and loved, and that this experience, while painful, can lead to new beginnings and opportunities for growth.

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