Katrina Pearce

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"My (22F) dad (54M) texted me and my brother (19) in a group chat saying that he had found someone else who made him happier. He’s been married to my mom (54) for 31 years. Unbeknownst to us, he had met a new woman (I’ll call her Sandy) on Twitter. Sandy lives across the country, and she flew in to visit my dad for a week in November. The following morning, my dad texted us again, saying he felt guilty about everything and wanted to work on our family. He came home, my mom agreed to work on their marriage, and we tried to fix things. However, in the first week of December, I found out that my dad had started talking to Sandy again. My mom was in denial and didn’t believe me, so we continued trying to fix things as a family. Then, on December 23, my dad called me and said he was leaving us for Sandy, for good this time. She made him happy, and he wanted to be with her. I spent Christmas Eve with my mom and brother, and I’ve never seen my mom so devastated before. It was heartbreaking to witness. On Christmas morning, my dad texted my mom saying that Sandy had kicked him out because she realized she wasn’t being a good Christian by breaking up a marriage, and he needed to come home to fix the family. So, my mom took him back, but everything feels off now. To make matters worse, I found out that my dad had taken all of the money from my savings account and my brother’s account to pay for bills and a hotel room with Sandy. We never had access to those accounts, but he co-signed on them when we were younger, so I trusted him. Now that my dad is back in the house and him and my mom are trying to fix their relationship and go 'back to normal,' I feel completely lost. Every word my dad says, I second-guess. I don’t trust him anymore, and the entire family dynamic feels so off. I’m also financially struggling and don’t know what to do. Emotionally and financially, I’m at a loss and would love guidance on what I can do." Response: I’m really sorry you're going through this—dealing with betrayal, emotional pain, and financial strain all at once can feel overwhelming. It’s clear that you’re going through a lot right now, and I want to validate your feelings of confusion and hurt. Your father’s actions have disrupted the trust and stability you once had, and it’s understandable that you’re unsure of how to proceed. Here are a few things to consider as you navigate this difficult time: Trust Issues and Family Dynamics: The most important thing that’s been impacted here is trust. Not only has your father betrayed your trust by leaving the family and handling things in an extremely hurtful way, but his actions with your savings accounts also add a financial betrayal to the emotional one. When trust is broken, it takes time to rebuild, if ever. It’s okay for you to feel unsure about your relationship with him moving forward. It’s crucial to set boundaries with him until you feel like he’s truly working on regaining that trust, if you even choose to continue a relationship with him. Financial Concerns: Financial struggles are really hard, especially when you feel like you’ve been taken advantage of. Since you and your brother didn’t have access to those accounts, it’s important to consider taking steps to protect yourself and your finances moving forward. If you can, consider opening new accounts that your dad doesn't have access to. You might want to speak to a financial advisor or someone you trust to ensure your finances are safe and protected. Your Emotional Health: It’s clear that this situation is weighing heavily on you emotionally. Watching your mom go through so much pain, feeling betrayed by your dad, and having your sense of stability shaken can be overwhelming. It’s crucial to prioritize your mental and emotional health during this time. If you can, consider talking to a counselor or therapist to help process these feelings of hurt, confusion, and betrayal. It’s okay to not have everything figured out and to ask for professional support as you work through this. Your Relationship with Your Dad: Right now, you’re in a position where you have every right to feel hurt and distrustful. It may not feel possible to just "go back to normal" with him as if nothing happened. You may need space from him to figure out what you need moving forward. Whether that means distancing yourself emotionally or establishing new boundaries, your well-being needs to come first. It’s okay to take time to assess whether you want to continue a relationship with him. Supporting Your Mom: Your mom is clearly devastated by this situation as well, and while you want to support her, it’s important to remember that you can’t fix everything for her. She needs to make her own decisions about her relationship with your dad, but it might help to have open, honest conversations with her about how you’re feeling. She might be in denial or trying to keep the family together for the sake of normalcy, but it’s essential that you express your concerns and take care of your own emotional health as well. Moving Forward: You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Take things one day at a time. Work on protecting your financial situation, set emotional boundaries with your dad, and seek the support you need from a counselor or trusted individuals in your life. You deserve to have your feelings acknowledged, and it’s okay to prioritize your own healing and well-being above all else. It’s a tough situation, but remember that you’re not alone. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals, and give yourself time to process everything. Take care of yourself, and don’t feel pressured to have everything figured out immediately.