Angelina Jana

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I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend (24M) for over 4 years, but I don’t know how to communicate with him anymore. It’s been a very long and complicated story, and lately, I feel suffocated, unsafe, and overwhelmed. A little over a month ago, we were on a break, and I thought I’d be okay. We’ve been through a lot, and things have been tense, but I’ve stayed in the relationship, thinking we could make it work. He hasn’t physically hurt me for over a month, and I can tell he feels guilty for the things he’s done, but I’m still struggling to process everything. The problem is, every time we talk about taking a little space, he gets angry and threatening. He’s been telling me that if I don’t sleep at his place every night, he’s going to lose control, and it frustrates him. We’ve been together since I was 16, and I’ve been with him almost every day since then. But I live 55 km away, and everything in my life feels chaotic. I feel homeless, like I have no space to breathe. I want to find a place where we can live together, but I also want some distance for my own mental health. I’ve asked him several times for space, and every time, he refuses to respect it. Recently, we had an argument because I wanted to visit my mother’s house for a few days. He insisted on coming with me, even though he didn’t have the money to get there. He said my mother should pay for his train ticket. The relationship between him and my parents is complicated. When I was younger, they called the police several times because I was always staying out too late, which has caused a lot of resentment between him and them. When I told him it would be awkward for him to come along, he got angry, saying I wasn’t on his side. It’s like he doesn’t understand that I need space. When I said I would go alone, he threatened to harm me. He said he would stab me in front of my younger siblings and hit me in the face. I was completely scared and cried, telling him not to talk like that, but he just kept pushing. Eventually, he apologized, saying he didn’t mean it, but I don’t feel safe anymore. He says he’s “getting better” because he hasn’t hit me in a while, but the threats and the fear still linger. The worst part is that I feel like I’m walking on eggshells every day. He constantly says he’s trying to get better and that he’s stopped using substances for a few days, but the anxiety I feel when I’m not with him is overwhelming. If I try to talk about needing some space, he gets angry and tells me that if I leave him, it’s over. He gets so upset that I’m afraid of what will happen next. He keeps saying that the only way to work on our issues is if we’re together all the time. I understand that he has his own trauma, and I want to support him, but I feel like I’ve lost myself in the process. I just want a break to work on myself and focus on school, but every time I even mention it, he turns it into an argument. On New Year’s Day, I celebrated with a new friend from school instead of spending it with him, and he’s been bringing it up non-stop, saying I was “sadistic” for doing that. It feels like I can’t make my own choices anymore, and it’s taking a toll on my mental health. I don’t know how to move forward from here. I love him, but I’m scared, and I feel trapped. I don’t want to keep pretending everything is fine, but I also don’t know how to talk to him without triggering another fight. I don’t know what to do. I just want some peace and time to think without being afraid.