Grover Britton

Chat

I (19M) have been dating this girl (20F) for about a year now. The relationship has had its ups and downs, and while we’ve tried to stick it out, I’m starting to feel very drained and tired of it. I’ve been considering leaving her, but I’m scared because I don’t know how she’ll react or what she might do to herself once I’m gone. We've broken up a few times before, and it's been a challenging dynamic. For instance, we once had a huge argument at a theme park over not being able to see fireworks. I tried to check on her because I thought she was throwing up in the bathroom, so I bought her water and asked a girl to check on her. She became upset and texted me saying I embarrassed her. After that, we bought hoodies, watched some of the fireworks, but she stopped talking to me. I tried to reach out, but she wouldn't respond, so I gave her some space. It turned out that she left me and went to the car with my wallet and keys. It took me an hour to find her because the lines were long. When I got in the car, we drove in silence. The next morning, I asked her if she was going to apologize for what happened, and she became upset, which led to more arguments. Eventually, she wanted to go home, but I tried to calm her down since I didn’t want to waste the money we spent. That didn’t work either, and eventually, she gave me an ultimatum, and we left in silence. After getting home, we broke up, and during that time, she got drunk and became depressed, even mentioning that she was thinking of hurting herself. I ended up meeting up with her after a week, and we got back together. It's been two months since then, but she still hasn’t changed. She’s still negative, and everything I do is seen as me being insensitive or selfish. I’ve been cleaning up after her, walking her dog, and trying to help, but I can’t keep doing this. Now, we have another trip planned, and our one-year anniversary is coming up. I’m considering breaking up with her after this trip, but I’m scared of what will happen if I do. Do you think leaving her is the right decision? Or should I try something else? Answer (Rewritten): It sounds like you’re in a really difficult and emotionally taxing situation. Relationships, especially ones that are filled with constant conflict and emotional turmoil, can take a huge toll on both parties, and it seems like you’ve been doing your best to navigate a very complicated dynamic. However, your feelings of exhaustion and frustration are completely valid. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like this relationship has become emotionally unhealthy for both of you. There seems to be a pattern of intense arguments, emotional dependency, and manipulation, with her struggling with her mental health and possibly relying on you to fulfill needs that go beyond what a partner should be responsible for. While it’s admirable that you’ve been there for her during tough times, it’s also important to acknowledge that it’s not sustainable, and it’s taking a significant toll on your well-being. Your fear of what she might do if you leave is valid, but you also have to prioritize your own mental health and happiness. If you continue in this relationship solely out of fear of her reaction, you may end up in a cycle of emotional exhaustion, which isn’t healthy for either of you. It’s important to realize that while you can support someone, you are not responsible for their actions or mental health. It might be worth having an honest conversation with her before making any decisions. You could gently express how you’re feeling, your concerns about the relationship, and why you think it’s time to part ways. Even though it will be hard, being honest and respectful is essential for both of you to move forward in a healthier way. If you do decide to end the relationship, it’s important to encourage her to seek support, whether from friends, family, or professional resources, as she might need someone else to help her through her struggles. It’s also important to remember that while breaking up is difficult, it might ultimately be the best choice for both of you to grow individually. Ultimately, only you can decide what’s best for you, but based on what you've described, it seems that staying in this relationship is only causing you more pain. Taking care of yourself is crucial, and it might be time to let go of the relationship, despite how hard that decision might be.