It sounds like you're navigating a complex situation with your boyfriend's jealousy, and it's understandable to seek clarity. Here’s a breakdown that might help you understand the dynamics at play and how to approach this sensitive topic.

Understanding Jealousy in Relationships

Jealousy can stem from various factors, including insecurity, fear of loss, and past experiences. Since your boyfriend has had extreme jealousy in the past, it may be rooted in his personal experiences and emotional history. Here are some aspects to consider:

• Insecurity: His jealousy might be a reflection of his own insecurities. If he hasn’t had many serious relationships, he may feel uncertain about how to handle emotions, especially when it comes to trust.
• Past Experiences: You mentioned that you have been cheated on, which has taught you valuable lessons about trust. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, may not have learned how to navigate trust issues effectively.
• Traditional Views: His traditional views on relationships may lead him to feel that having friendships with the opposite sex is a threat to your relationship.

Evaluating His Behavior

It's crucial to differentiate between healthy boundaries and controlling behavior. Here are some signs to consider:

• Controlling Behavior: If he is dictating who you can or cannot be friends with, this could be a red flag. You mentioned that you have cut out male friends to appease him, which might indicate a level of control.
• Open Communication: Healthy relationships involve open discussions about feelings. If he is shutting down communication or resorting to threats of breaking up, this may not be a healthy dynamic.
• Support vs. Possession: A partner should support your friendships and personal growth. If he is more focused on controlling your social interactions, it may be worth reevaluating the relationship.

How to Address the Situation

Here are some steps you can take to address your boyfriend's jealousy while maintaining your own sense of self:

1. Open a Dialogue: Find a calm moment to discuss your feelings and his. Use "I" statements to express how his jealousy affects you, such as, "I feel hurt when I’m not allowed to maintain my friendships."
2. Set Boundaries: Discuss what is acceptable for both of you in terms of friendships and social interactions. Ensure that both of your needs are heard and respected.
3. Encourage Trust: Work together to build trust. This might involve sharing more about your interactions with friends, reassuring him of your commitment, and encouraging him to express his feelings without resorting to threats.
4. Seek Professional Help: If his jealousy continues to escalate, consider suggesting couples therapy. A neutral third party can provide valuable insights and strategies.

Reflect on Your Relationship

Ultimately, it’s essential to consider whether this relationship is meeting your emotional needs. Here are some questions to ponder:

• Do you feel supported in your friendships?
• Are you able to express your needs and feelings without fear of retaliation?
• Is there a balance of power in the relationship, or do you feel overwhelmed by his emotions?

In conclusion, while jealousy can sometimes be misinterpreted as passion, it often stems from insecurity and fear. By approaching the situation with empathy and open communication, you can work towards a healthier relationship dynamic, or you may find that you need to reevaluate your relationship altogether. Remember, you deserve to feel secure and valued in your connections, both romantic and platonic.