It sounds like you're facing a challenging situation in your marriage, and it's commendable that you're seeking to address it thoughtfully. Here are several strategies you can consider to improve communication with your wife:

1. **Choose the Right Time and Place**

Timing and environment can significantly affect how conversations unfold. Try to initiate discussions during calm moments instead of during or immediately after an argument. For example, you might say:

"I really value our conversations, and I think it would help us if we could set aside some time to talk about how we handle disagreements."

2. **Use 'I' Statements**

Using 'I' statements can help express your feelings without sounding accusatory. Instead of saying, "You always shut me down," you could say:

"I feel frustrated when our conversations end abruptly because I want to understand your perspective."

3. **Acknowledge Her Feelings**

When emotions run high, acknowledging her feelings can help de-escalate the situation. For instance, you might say:

"I can see that this is really upsetting for you. Can we take a moment to breathe and come back to this when we're both calmer?"

4. **Set Boundaries**

If past grievances are being brought up inappropriately, it’s essential to set boundaries. You could say:

"I understand that past issues can affect how we feel, but I’d like us to focus on the current situation so we can resolve it together."

5. **Seek Professional Help**

If these methods don't lead to improvement, consider suggesting couples counseling. A neutral third party can provide guidance. You might approach it like this:

"I believe we could really benefit from some help to communicate better. Would you be open to seeing a counselor together?"

6. **Practice Active Listening**

Demonstrating that you are listening can encourage her to open up. Use reflective listening by paraphrasing her points, for example:

"What I hear you saying is that you're feeling overwhelmed with everything going on at work, and that’s affecting how you respond to me. Is that right?"

7. **Take Care of Yourself**

It’s crucial to look after your emotional health as well. Engage in activities that help you recharge, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends. This can provide you with the strength to handle challenging conversations.

8. **Identify Triggers**

Try to identify patterns or triggers in her behavior. If you notice she tends to shut down during specific topics, it may help to approach those topics more gently or at a different time.

9. **Remain Calm**

When she raises her voice or becomes emotional, strive to remain calm. Your composed response can sometimes help her regain control over her emotions. You might say:

"I can see that this is really intense for you. Let’s take a break and revisit this when we’re feeling more settled."

10. **Reinforce Positive Communication**

When conversations go well, acknowledge it. Reinforcing positive behavior can encourage her to engage more constructively in the future. You could say:

"I really appreciated how we talked about that issue yesterday. It felt good to work through it together."

In conclusion, communication challenges in a marriage can be complex, especially when emotions run high. By employing these strategies, you may foster a more constructive dialogue with your wife, ultimately strengthening your relationship. Remember that patience and practice are key as you both navigate these discussions together.