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My husband (25) works 8 hours a day, and when he gets home, he plays video games until about an hour before bed, after which he watches YouTube. This past weekend, we spent a couple of hours together and went to the mall, then when we got home, he played video games for 5 hours. I didn’t mind much, but on Sunday, he woke up, made breakfast, and then played video games for 6 hours straight. Around hour 4, I asked him how long he planned to play, and he said he didn’t know. Afterward, I told him I was upset because we rarely hang out together. He got angry and said we spent the whole weekend together and that I'm just bored and it's not his fault I can't find a hobby. Whenever I tell him I want to spend time together, he immediately asks me what I want to do. But if I can't come up with something specific, he says I’m blaming my boredom on him. I’m not sure if I’m being too clingy, but after a few hours of him playing, I’m okay, but after 4 hours, I start feeling lonely, and he doesn’t seem to care. What should I do in this situation?

a month ago
44

It sounds like you're feeling neglected and craving more quality time with your husband, which is completely understandable. You’ve expressed a need for connection, but it seems like your husband isn’t fully recognizing how important this time together is to you. Here's a way you might approach this situation:

  1. Express Your Feelings Calmly: It's important to let your husband know how you’re feeling, but doing so calmly and without making him feel attacked can help open the door to better communication. Try saying something like, “I really enjoy spending time with you, and I feel lonely when we don’t hang out as much. I know you love playing video games, but I miss connecting with you in a different way too.”
  2. Set Boundaries for Screen Time: You’re not being clingy by wanting to spend time with your partner; it’s a normal need for emotional connection. Set some boundaries together for when and how long he plays video games. For example, you could agree to have specific days or times where he gets uninterrupted gaming time, but also set aside other times where you both spend quality time together – even if it’s just for an hour or two. Balance is key.
  3. Propose Shared Activities: It seems that your husband may be expecting you to take the lead on what to do when you ask for time together. Rather than putting the burden on him to figure out what to do, maybe suggest a few activities you’d enjoy. For example, “How about we go for a walk later or watch a movie together after dinner?” This could help him understand that you’re not just bored, but actively seeking a way to reconnect.
  4. Respect Each Other's Needs: It’s essential to balance both of your needs – his need for downtime and your need for connection. Acknowledge that he may use video games as a way to unwind after a long day, but also communicate that it’s important to you to have time together as a couple. By finding a compromise, you both can feel fulfilled.
  5. Encourage Open Communication: If you notice that the same issue keeps arising, it's helpful to have an open discussion about your expectations as a couple and how you can support each other’s needs. This might include discussing how much time is enough for both of you to feel like your needs are being met.
  6. Reflect on Your Own Needs: Consider if there’s a way for you to fill your own time in a way that’s fulfilling while also communicating your need for more connection with him. You might explore activities you enjoy on your own, which could also help reduce the pressure on him to provide all of your emotional fulfillment.

You’re not alone in feeling this way, and it’s normal to want more attention from your partner. The key is to communicate openly about it and work together to find a balance that works for both of you.

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