It sounds like you're navigating a complex but rewarding situation, and it's commendable that you cherish your new life with your wife and her children. Here are some insights and tips that might help you and your wife manage the challenges you're facing:

1. Open Communication

It's essential to maintain open lines of communication with your wife. Let her know how much you value your life together and that her feelings of guilt are unfounded. You could say something like:

"I want you to know that I wouldn't trade this life for anything. I adore you and the kids, and I'm fully committed to making this work together."

Encouraging her to express her feelings and validating her concerns can help alleviate some of her guilt. Share your feelings about the situation, emphasizing that you are happy and fulfilled.

2. Focus on Teamwork

Consider your relationship as a partnership where both of you bring unique strengths. You could create a family budget together that reflects your shared financial goals. This can help you both understand where you stand financially and how you can work together to meet your goals.

For instance, you might say:

"Let’s sit down and create a budget together. I want us to be on the same page financially and find ways to make things easier for us as a family."

3. Celebrate Small Wins

Amidst the struggles, it’s important to celebrate the small victories. Whether it’s a successful family outing, a good day at school for the kids, or even a small financial achievement, acknowledge these moments together. This can foster a positive environment and reinforce the bond between you.

4. Set Realistic Expectations

Recognize that blending families and managing finances can be challenging. Setting realistic expectations can help mitigate feelings of inadequacy or guilt. Discuss with your wife the concept of "Disney Dad" and how you both can create meaningful experiences that don’t necessarily revolve around spending money. For instance, you might plan family activities that are low-cost but high in quality, such as:

• Outdoor picnics
• Game nights at home
• Exploring local parks or nature trails

5. Seek Professional Guidance

If feelings of guilt and inadequacy persist, consider seeking couples therapy. A professional can help both of you navigate these complex emotions and improve your communication skills. Therapy can provide a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and work towards solutions together.

6. Build a Support Network

Connecting with other blended families can provide you with insights and support. Online forums, local support groups, or even social media communities can offer a space to share experiences and learn from others who have faced similar challenges.

7. Focus on Creating a Home

Finding a home that fits your family's needs is crucial. Instead of focusing solely on size or luxury, think about what creates a sense of home for you and your family. This could mean prioritizing safety, a good school district, or a community feel. Remember, a home is about the love and memories you build together, not just the physical space.

In summary, it's clear that you genuinely care for your wife and her children, and that love will be your strongest asset as you navigate this new chapter. Emphasize teamwork, open communication, and a positive mindset, and you'll be well on your way to building a wonderful family life together.