Right now, I’m juggling a lot at home with our 5-year-old and 6-month-old. Our 5-year-old had surgery for hip dysplasia on December 17 and is currently in a cast, so I’m stuck at home with both kids. I’m up all night with the baby and all day with both kids, plus taking care of my husband before and after his 10-7 work shift. I’m feeling completely overwhelmed, exhausted, and overstimulated. I’ve been doing my best to keep up, but it’s been so hard 😩 This past week has been particularly rough. My birth control messed with my hormones, so I stopped taking it, which caused me to have three periods in the past month. On top of that, my 6-month-old is teething, so she’s fussy all day and night. My 5-year-old needs extra care, and my husband hasn’t been very helpful at all. He expects me to wake him up every 10-15 minutes in the mornings, but I don’t have the time for that. He sleeps all day if he doesn’t have to work. I also have to constantly remind him to do anything. Yesterday, things got worse. I wanted to nurse our 6-month-old in the bedroom because she hasn’t been sleeping, but he refused to leave the bedroom to watch our 5-year-old. He expected me to stay in the bedroom and nurse while he did nothing. I pointed out that it’s neglectful to leave our 5-year-old alone, especially since she’s in a wheelchair. He said she couldn’t do anything because of her condition, but I still felt that it wasn’t acceptable. We argued, and he didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. Then, last night, he tried to make up for it by ordering pizza, but I’ve told him multiple times over the years that I don’t like this specific pizza he orders. He insisted I should be grateful for anything he gets me and told me I should thank him. This made me even more upset. Things seemed to cool down today, but this evening took another turn. We haven’t been intimate all week, and when he wanted intimacy, our 6-month-old woke up and wouldn’t go back to sleep. He punched the wall and slammed doors, and now he’s sleeping on the couch. We argued again because I called him out for throwing a temper tantrum like a 5-year-old. He got upset and said I was insulting him, being rude, and treating him badly. He also says I just need to be nicer to him, which is hard when he’s acting this way. I don’t know what to do or say. He’s telling me I need to apologize and take accountability. And on top of all of this, he expects intimacy daily and sexual attention whenever he wants, which is becoming very frustrating for me.

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Keiran Kimberly

Right now, I’m juggling a lot at home with our 5-year-old and 6-month-old. Our 5-year-old had surgery for hip dysplasia on December 17 and is currently in a cast, so I’m stuck at home with both kids. I’m up all night with the baby and all day with both kids, plus taking care of my husband before and after his 10-7 work shift. I’m feeling completely overwhelmed, exhausted, and overstimulated. I’ve been doing my best to keep up, but it’s been so hard 😩 This past week has been particularly rough. My birth control messed with my hormones, so I stopped taking it, which caused me to have three periods in the past month. On top of that, my 6-month-old is teething, so she’s fussy all day and night. My 5-year-old needs extra care, and my husband hasn’t been very helpful at all. He expects me to wake him up every 10-15 minutes in the mornings, but I don’t have the time for that. He sleeps all day if he doesn’t have to work. I also have to constantly remind him to do anything. Yesterday, things got worse. I wanted to nurse our 6-month-old in the bedroom because she hasn’t been sleeping, but he refused to leave the bedroom to watch our 5-year-old. He expected me to stay in the bedroom and nurse while he did nothing. I pointed out that it’s neglectful to leave our 5-year-old alone, especially since she’s in a wheelchair. He said she couldn’t do anything because of her condition, but I still felt that it wasn’t acceptable. We argued, and he didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. Then, last night, he tried to make up for it by ordering pizza, but I’ve told him multiple times over the years that I don’t like this specific pizza he orders. He insisted I should be grateful for anything he gets me and told me I should thank him. This made me even more upset. Things seemed to cool down today, but this evening took another turn. We haven’t been intimate all week, and when he wanted intimacy, our 6-month-old woke up and wouldn’t go back to sleep. He punched the wall and slammed doors, and now he’s sleeping on the couch. We argued again because I called him out for throwing a temper tantrum like a 5-year-old. He got upset and said I was insulting him, being rude, and treating him badly. He also says I just need to be nicer to him, which is hard when he’s acting this way. I don’t know what to do or say. He’s telling me I need to apologize and take accountability. And on top of all of this, he expects intimacy daily and sexual attention whenever he wants, which is becoming very frustrating for me.

a month ago

It sounds like you are under an immense amount of pressure, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and exhausted given your current circumstances. Caring for a 5-year-old who has recently undergone surgery and a teething 6-month-old is a significant challenge, especially when you feel that you are doing much of it alone. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and understand that it’s okay to seek support. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that might help you navigate this difficult time:

Communicate Your Needs

Open communication is essential in any relationship, especially when both partners are feeling stressed. It might help to sit down with your husband when things are calm and express how you are feeling. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example:

"I feel overwhelmed when I have to manage both kids and also wake you up every 10-15 minutes."
"I need your help more during the day, especially when our 5-year-old needs extra care."

Set Boundaries

It’s crucial to set boundaries regarding intimacy and household responsibilities. Make it clear that your needs are valid and that intimacy cannot be forced, especially when you are feeling exhausted. Let him know that:

You need time to recover emotionally and physically.
Intimacy should be a mutual decision, not a demand.

Seek Support

If your husband is not able to provide the support you need, consider reaching out to friends, family, or even professional help. Sometimes, having a third party can provide new perspectives and solutions. Support groups for parents dealing with similar challenges can also be beneficial.

Self-Care

Amidst the chaos, don’t forget to take care of yourself, even if it's in small ways. Simple activities like:

Taking a few minutes to breathe and relax when you can.
Asking for help with household chores or childcare.
Engaging in a hobby or activity that brings you joy.

Addressing the Argument

Regarding the argument about the pizza and intimacy, it’s crucial to express your feelings without escalating the situation. You might say:

"I appreciate that you tried to make up for things, but I need you to understand my preferences too."
"It’s hard for me to feel close when there’s so much tension between us."

Consider Professional Help

Sometimes, couples counseling can be a safe space to discuss feelings and expectations. A therapist can help facilitate those conversations and provide tools to improve communication and intimacy in your relationship.

Final Thoughts

Remember, it’s okay to feel frustrated and overwhelmed. You are doing an incredible job under challenging circumstances. Your feelings are valid, and it’s essential to prioritize your well-being. By communicating openly with your husband and seeking support, you can work towards a healthier balance at home.

Take one day at a time, and don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it. You deserve support and understanding during this challenging phase.

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