It’s completely understandable to feel unsettled in your relationship given the complicated history you and your boyfriend share. Navigating the aftermath of such intense emotional experiences can be difficult, especially when feelings of guilt and anxiety resurface. Here are some suggestions to help you move forward:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings:

It’s important to recognize that your feelings of insecurity and sadness are valid. You’ve been through a lot together, and it’s natural to experience residual emotions. Try journaling your thoughts or speaking with a trusted friend who can provide a listening ear.

2. Open Communication:

Continue to communicate with your boyfriend about your feelings. It’s great that he reassures you, but it’s essential for both of you to express your concerns openly. You might say something like, "I appreciate how supportive you are, but I still struggle with feelings of insecurity regarding your past. Can we discuss this further?" This can help both of you understand each other better and strengthen your bond.

3. Encourage Professional Help:

While he has spoken with friends and family, therapy can provide a safe space for him to process his feelings more deeply. You could gently suggest this by saying, "I think it could really help you to talk to a professional about your feelings of guilt. It might also help us as a couple." Frame it positively, emphasizing that it’s beneficial for him and for your relationship.

4. Set Boundaries:

To protect your emotional well-being, set boundaries around discussions of his ex. You could agree on specific times to address these feelings, rather than allowing them to dominate your conversations. This can help you both focus on building your relationship without the overshadowing presence of past guilt.

5. Focus on the Present:

Shift the focus back to your relationship. Engage in activities that strengthen your bond and create new memories together. Plan date nights, weekend adventures, or even simple at-home activities that you both enjoy. This can help you create a positive association with your current relationship and lessen the impact of past events.

6. Practice Self-Care:

Taking care of yourself is crucial, especially when dealing with anxiety. Incorporate relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, or deep-breathing exercises into your daily routine. These practices can help alleviate panic attacks and promote a sense of calm.

7. Seek Support:

If you find it challenging to cope, consider seeking therapy for yourself. A therapist can help you work through your feelings of anxiety and insecurity, providing tools to manage these emotions effectively. Support groups or online forums can also be beneficial, where you can connect with others who have faced similar situations.

8. Reassess the Relationship:

Take time to reflect on your relationship. Consider what you love about him and the positive aspects of your connection. Making a list can help remind you of the reasons you are together and reinforce your commitment to one another.

9. Be Patient:

Healing takes time. It’s okay to have ups and downs in your emotional journey. Allow yourself the grace to feel sad on some days while also recognizing that your relationship has many positive attributes. Celebrate the small victories in your emotional progress.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance between supporting your boyfriend through his guilt and ensuring your own emotional needs are met. Relationships require effort from both partners, and it’s okay to seek help and communicate your needs. Remember, love is about growth, understanding, and mutual support.