I’m 33, and after living abroad for many years, I’ve never had a boyfriend until now due to the local culture. My health isn’t great, and being a super introvert, I struggle to connect with people and never really had friends. I’ve become frustrated with never having been in a relationship and wanting to get married, especially as I’m now in my thirties. Recently, I started a new job and met my boyfriend there. After a year of getting to know each other, we began secretly dating. Six months into our relationship, we decided to get married, but my parents strongly disapproved, and my boyfriend’s financial problems made me uncertain. As a result, I called it off. I love my boyfriend deeply, but his financial situation scares me. He’s in his 40s and has very little savings, basically none. While his job in our current country pays okay, there’s no guarantee about how long he can continue doing it, and he doesn’t have any retirement plans or investments, which worries me. I confronted him about it, and he said he’ll figure things out as long as we both keep working. Additionally, I’ve never lived with him, so I don’t know if there are other issues I haven’t seen yet. I really love him, but I’m beginning to doubt whether I’ve dated enough to know if this is the right relationship for me. I’m also tired of living abroad. I feel there’s no career growth in my current country, so I’m planning to move back to the US and start a new job. However, it’s been many years since I’ve lived there, and I’m not sure what kind of job I can find. I’m not financially well-off, so I’ll need time to rebuild, but I’ll be okay. Originally, we planned to go to the US together and open a small business, but I’m uncertain about this now. After thinking it over, I’m unsure whether I should continue this relationship or walk away. I’m considering going to the US alone for one or two years to re-establish myself, try dating other people, and give myself space to think about whether I still want to be with him. During that time, I also want to see if he can improve his financial situation. My parents believe that it’s too late for him to make a significant change since he only started trying to get his life together in his 40s. If he comes to the US, I don’t think I’ll be able to support both of us financially. If I go to the US alone and still want to be with him after a couple of years, we can try to make it work together. But I risk losing him by going alone. TL;DR: My heart loves him, and he’s my first boyfriend with whom I’ve had many great memories, but my brain is telling me that his financial issues are a serious concern. If I leave him, I fear I’ll regret it, but if I marry him and end up in a bad financial situation, I don’t know if I can handle it. I really love him but I’m unsure what to do.

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Myles Kolleen

I’m 33, and after living abroad for many years, I’ve never had a boyfriend until now due to the local culture. My health isn’t great, and being a super introvert, I struggle to connect with people and never really had friends. I’ve become frustrated with never having been in a relationship and wanting to get married, especially as I’m now in my thirties. Recently, I started a new job and met my boyfriend there. After a year of getting to know each other, we began secretly dating. Six months into our relationship, we decided to get married, but my parents strongly disapproved, and my boyfriend’s financial problems made me uncertain. As a result, I called it off. I love my boyfriend deeply, but his financial situation scares me. He’s in his 40s and has very little savings, basically none. While his job in our current country pays okay, there’s no guarantee about how long he can continue doing it, and he doesn’t have any retirement plans or investments, which worries me. I confronted him about it, and he said he’ll figure things out as long as we both keep working. Additionally, I’ve never lived with him, so I don’t know if there are other issues I haven’t seen yet. I really love him, but I’m beginning to doubt whether I’ve dated enough to know if this is the right relationship for me. I’m also tired of living abroad. I feel there’s no career growth in my current country, so I’m planning to move back to the US and start a new job. However, it’s been many years since I’ve lived there, and I’m not sure what kind of job I can find. I’m not financially well-off, so I’ll need time to rebuild, but I’ll be okay. Originally, we planned to go to the US together and open a small business, but I’m uncertain about this now. After thinking it over, I’m unsure whether I should continue this relationship or walk away. I’m considering going to the US alone for one or two years to re-establish myself, try dating other people, and give myself space to think about whether I still want to be with him. During that time, I also want to see if he can improve his financial situation. My parents believe that it’s too late for him to make a significant change since he only started trying to get his life together in his 40s. If he comes to the US, I don’t think I’ll be able to support both of us financially. If I go to the US alone and still want to be with him after a couple of years, we can try to make it work together. But I risk losing him by going alone. TL;DR: My heart loves him, and he’s my first boyfriend with whom I’ve had many great memories, but my brain is telling me that his financial issues are a serious concern. If I leave him, I fear I’ll regret it, but if I marry him and end up in a bad financial situation, I don’t know if I can handle it. I really love him but I’m unsure what to do.

a month ago

Your situation is indeed complex and filled with emotional and practical considerations. It's important to evaluate both your feelings and the realities of your relationship and future plans. Here’s a structured way to think through your dilemma:

1. Evaluate Your Relationship

It's clear that you have strong feelings for your boyfriend, but love alone may not be sufficient for a successful long-term partnership, especially when financial stability is a concern. Here are some questions to consider:

What are the core values and goals you share? Understanding whether you both prioritize financial security, career ambitions, and family life can help clarify if your paths align.
How well do you communicate? Open discussions about finances, future plans, and personal aspirations are vital. Has your boyfriend been receptive to your concerns?
Have you discussed living together? Since you’ve never lived together, this experience can reveal compatibility in daily life and stress management.

2. Financial Considerations

Financial stability is a significant factor in relationships. Here are some steps you can take to address this issue:

Discuss Financial Goals: Have an open conversation about budgeting, saving, and long-term financial goals. Can he realistically improve his financial situation?
Evaluate His Career Prospects: Does he have a plan for career advancement or skill development? Understanding his commitment to improving his financial status is crucial.
Consider Professional Advice: It might be beneficial for both of you to consult a financial advisor. This could help set a clear path for financial improvement.

3. Personal Growth and Independence

Your desire to move back to the US for personal and career growth is valid. Here’s how to approach this:

Focus on Your Career: Re-establishing yourself in the US could open up new opportunities for both personal satisfaction and financial stability.
Time for Self-Reflection: Taking time to date other people and explore your independence could provide clarity about what you truly want.
Build a Support System: Reconnecting with friends and family in the US could help you feel more grounded and supported in your decisions.

4. Making the Decision

As you weigh your options, consider the following:

Set a Timeline: If you decide to move back alone, set a timeline for how long you will give yourself to explore your options and reassess your relationship.
Stay Honest: Communicate your plans and feelings with your boyfriend. Honesty will help both of you understand where you stand and what the future may hold.
Be Open to Change: Understand that your feelings may evolve over time. It’s okay to prioritize your own growth and well-being.

5. Potential Outcomes

Consider the various scenarios:

If you stay together and he improves his financial situation, you could build a life together.
If you move back alone and still feel strongly about him, you could explore a long-distance relationship or reassess your compatibility later.
If you decide to part ways, it may be painful, but it could also open doors for new experiences and relationships.

Ultimately, this is your life and your decision. Balancing heart and mind is challenging, but taking the time to reflect on your needs and aspirations will help guide you toward the right choice.

Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being and career aspirations while navigating the complexities of love and relationships.

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1. **Evaluate Your Relationship**

2. **Financial Considerations**

3. **Personal Growth and Independence**

4. **Making the Decision**

5. **Potential Outcomes**