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This is my second marriage. We got engaged over two years ago, but life kept getting in the way of planning the wedding. I was getting really frustrated with people constantly asking about the wedding plans, so we finally decided to elope at a ski resort in Colorado. We went on 1/3 and just returned late last night. Only a few close family members and friends knew about the plan, but I haven’t spoken to them since before the trip. I’m still exhausted from the trip and the thought of making an announcement to everyone else feels overwhelming, especially since I don’t really feel anything about it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my partner, and it’s nice to be married to them, but it doesn’t change my life in any significant way. We’ve lived together for eight years and already own a home together. The people who do know keep asking me if I’m excited. I say yes, but honestly, the real answer is no. I think my new husband is also wondering why I don’t seem excited. Is something wrong with me for not wanting to shout from the rooftops that I’m married? And how am I supposed to announce this to everyone else?

a month ago
46

It's completely understandable to feel the way you do about your recent elopement. Your situation reflects a unique combination of personal history, relationship dynamics, and societal expectations. Let's break this down into several key points that might help you navigate your feelings and the upcoming announcement.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

First and foremost, it's important to recognize that your feelings are valid. Many people experience mixed emotions about marriage, especially in a second marriage where the dynamics can be different. Your love for your partner and your commitment to each other is what truly matters, not necessarily the excitement surrounding the event itself.

It's common to feel exhausted after an elopement or any kind of wedding planning, especially when it follows a long engagement filled with delays. You may also be experiencing a sense of emotional fatigue from the pressure of societal expectations regarding weddings. Just because you don’t feel the need to celebrate publicly doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Every relationship and marriage is unique, and it’s okay to not feel the same way others do.

2. Understanding the Lack of Excitement

When people ask if you’re excited, they may be projecting their own feelings about marriage onto you. You’ve already been living as a committed couple for eight years, which can make the transition to being married feel less monumental. You might consider responding with something like:

“I’m really happy to be married, but it feels like a natural progression for us since we’ve been together for so long.”

This way, you’re acknowledging your happiness without feeling pressured to express excitement in a way that doesn’t resonate with you.

3. Communicating with Your Partner

It’s also important to have an open conversation with your new husband about your feelings. He may be wondering why you're not as enthusiastic, and sharing your thoughts can help him understand your perspective. You might say:

“I love you and I’m happy we’re married, but I think my feelings about the wedding itself are complicated. Can we talk about it?”

This can help both of you align your expectations and feelings about your marriage and how to celebrate it in a way that feels right for both of you.

4. Making the Announcement

When it comes time to announce your marriage to others, consider doing it in a way that feels comfortable for you. Here are some ideas:

  • Casual Social Media Post: A simple post with a nice photo from your trip, captioned with something like, “We tied the knot in Colorado! Feeling grateful for this new chapter.” This keeps it light and casual.
  • Personal Messages: If you prefer, send personal messages to family and friends. This can be more intimate and allow for individual conversations.
  • In-Person Gatherings: If you feel up to it, consider hosting a small get-together where you can share your news in a relaxed setting.

Remember, you don’t have to announce it all at once. Take your time to share the news in a way that feels authentic to you.

5. Embracing Your Journey

Finally, embrace the journey you and your partner are on together. Marriage is just one part of your relationship, and the most important thing is the love and partnership you share. You might find that as time passes, you feel more comfortable expressing your new status in ways that are meaningful to you.

In summary, it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions about your elopement. Take the time you need to process your feelings, communicate openly with your partner, and share your news in a way that feels right for you. There is no rush, and your journey is uniquely yours.

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