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I’m absolutely heartbroken over a guy I never even dated. Here's the situation: I met him through a mutual friend, and we started chatting on Snapchat and texting a lot. For nearly 3 months, there seemed to be mutual interest, and it was expressed. However, he never made the effort to ask me out. I didn’t wait around passively, but I did put in effort without being clingy. Three weeks ago, I realized he probably wasn’t going to ask me out, and even if he did later, I wasn't okay with someone taking that long to decide if they wanted me. So, I blocked him and cut contact. He never did anything wrong or had any major red flags, so it's not like I can trash him to make myself feel better. Even though I know I should be moving on, I still cry almost every night. I had real feelings for him, and it hurts because I don’t fall for people very often. I find myself daydreaming about the "what ifs" and wondering if he’ll realize what he lost and come back. How do I get over someone I never even officially dated? I know I’m more than this guy, but it’s hard to turn off my feelings. I had a really tough breakup from a 2-year relationship a year ago, and I was the one who got dumped. I don’t have much experience in being the “dumper” in this situation, and I feel truly sad about it.

a month ago
41

It's completely understandable to feel heartbroken over someone you never officially dated, especially when emotions were involved and you invested time and effort into building a connection. Here are some steps and insights to help you navigate through this challenging situation:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

First and foremost, it's important to recognize that your feelings are valid. Heartbreak doesn’t only stem from official relationships; emotional connections can create deep feelings of attachment. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of what could have been. Crying and feeling sad are natural parts of the healing process.

2. Reflect on the Situation

Take some time to reflect on your interactions with him. It’s clear that you had real feelings, but consider the reasons for his hesitance. Perhaps he was unsure of his own feelings, or maybe he was not ready for a relationship. Understanding that his actions (or lack thereof) were not a reflection of your worth can help you process your emotions.

3. Focus on Self-Care

Engage in activities that promote your well-being. Whether it’s exercise, journaling, or spending time with friends, prioritize self-care. Activities that uplift your mood can help distract you from constant daydreaming about the "what ifs." You might find that immersing yourself in hobbies or interests can provide a healthy outlet for your emotions.

4. Set Boundaries with Your Thoughts

When thoughts of him creep in, gently redirect your mind. Instead of dwelling on the past, remind yourself of your value and the qualities that make you who you are. You could create a list of positive affirmations or achievements to reinforce your self-worth. For example:

  • I am deserving of love and respect.
  • I have many qualities that make me unique.
  • I am capable of finding happiness within myself.

5. Allow Yourself to Move On

Moving on doesn’t mean you forget about him or your feelings; it means you are choosing to prioritize your happiness and future. Consider the reasons you blocked him as a means of protecting your emotional health. If you find yourself longing for him, remind yourself of the reasons why you made that decision.

6. Seek Support

Talk to friends or family about your feelings. Sometimes, expressing your thoughts can provide relief and clarity. If you feel comfortable, you can even share your experience with a therapist who can offer professional guidance. They can help you work through your feelings and develop coping strategies.

7. Embrace New Opportunities

While it may be difficult to imagine now, there will be new opportunities for love and connection in the future. Keep an open mind and heart. Engaging in social activities or meeting new people can help you rediscover joy and excitement in relationships.

8. Be Patient with Yourself

Healing takes time, and it's okay to take things one day at a time. Remind yourself that it’s natural to feel sad, especially after a recent breakup. Give yourself the grace to heal and understand that the process is unique for everyone.

Remember, you are not defined by this situation or by someone else's inability to recognize your worth. You are strong, capable, and deserving of a love that reciprocates your feelings. In time, you will find peace and may even look back on this experience as a stepping stone to something greater.

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