Geoff Madilynn

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I (20M) recently met a really cute girl (19F) on the train. She gave me a compliment, and we started talking, which I thought went really well. We hung out 2-3 times, had a great time, and she said she enjoyed it too. However, after that, I didn’t hear from her for about a week. Then, out of nowhere, she replied and asked to hang out—9 hours after I had asked her. We hung out again, and I ended up confessing that I had feelings for her. She said it was okay and that we could still be friends, but she didn’t feel the same way. I was worried I scared her off, especially when I didn’t hear from her for about 2 weeks. When I did see her, she explained that she had become obsessed with another guy and ruined her relationship with him because she cheated. At this point, dating her is out of the question for me, but I’m wondering if it’s a good idea to keep her as a friend. It really hurts when she ghosts me, and part of me wonders if it’s not worth it. I don’t have any other friends, and I’m extremely anxious, so I feel overly dependent on her. Am I being overly dependent, or is she being manipulative and using me? Some Thoughts and Advice: Recognizing Emotional Dependence: It’s clear that you’ve developed an emotional attachment to this girl, which can be hard to navigate, especially when you don’t have other close friendships. Since you mentioned being anxious and not having many friends, it’s natural to feel a strong attachment to someone who has been a source of attention and interaction. However, emotional dependence can sometimes lead to unhealthy dynamics in a friendship. Understanding the Situation: Based on what you’ve shared, it seems like this girl might not be as emotionally available as you need her to be, especially since she has been inconsistent with her communication (ghosting you for long periods). It’s also worth noting that she’s been dealing with her own emotional turmoil, particularly with her past relationship and her feelings about another guy. While this doesn’t necessarily make her manipulative, it may indicate that she’s not in the right emotional space to maintain a healthy friendship right now. Setting Boundaries for Yourself: If you’re finding that her behavior is causing you pain or confusion, it may be a good idea to take a step back and reassess the situation. It’s important to set emotional boundaries, especially if you feel like her actions are affecting your mental health. If her ghosting and inconsistent communication are hurting you, it might be healthier to distance yourself and focus on building other friendships or finding ways to cope with your anxiety in healthier ways. Friendship vs. Emotional Expectations: You’ve mentioned that dating her is off the table for you, which is a mature decision given the circumstances. However, it’s crucial to recognize that friendships require mutual respect, trust, and effort from both parties. If she is not putting in the same level of effort or commitment to the friendship that you are, it may not be a fulfilling or healthy relationship for you. Exploring New Social Connections: Since you mentioned feeling anxious and not having many friends, this might be a good opportunity to work on building other friendships. Relying on just one person, especially someone who isn’t reciprocating your emotional investment, can increase feelings of loneliness or dependence. Try to look for opportunities to meet new people or deepen existing social connections. Joining a club, group activity, or online community related to something you're passionate about could help expand your circle. Managing Your Anxiety: It’s also worth focusing on managing your anxiety in healthy ways. Anxiety can amplify emotions and lead to overthinking situations, especially when it comes to relationships. Practicing self-care, mindfulness, or talking to a professional about your feelings could help you better navigate your emotions and feel more in control of your social interactions. In Summary: It’s understandable that you’re confused and hurt by this situation, especially considering your emotional investment in the girl and your anxiety. While it’s not necessarily about her being manipulative, it does sound like the friendship might not be giving you the support you need right now. It might be time to take a step back, set emotional boundaries, and focus on building new connections that are healthier for you. Remember that you deserve to be in relationships—whether romantic or platonic—that are fulfilling, reciprocal, and emotionally supportive.