I (29M) have been dating my girlfriend (25F) for two months, and I’m deeply in love with her. Taking care of her has become very important to me. She’s a loyal and trustworthy person, and I really care about her. However, recently I’ve noticed she’s been irritable and upset most of the time. I tend to be a positive person and try not to burden others with my own daily issues, but she’s the opposite. For example, even a minor headache will make her extremely irritated, and she’ll talk about how sick she feels constantly. I’ve learned to accept this, but now there’s another issue. She often gets mad at me without any clear reason. For instance, if she has a headache, she will be rude to me, even though I haven’t done anything wrong. Just the other day, she was complaining about a toothache. I suggested she get some medicine from the store since I wasn’t close by, but I also tried to comfort her. She snapped at me, saying, “Please don’t say anything, you’re already making me mad. I’m suffering.” That hurt me. There have been other instances like this as well. Another problem is that she gets upset if someone calls me and I can’t talk to them because I’m busy. However, she talks to her friends almost all the time, and when I bring it up, she says I shouldn’t have an issue with it. I know she’s not cheating—she talks to her female friends—but it still feels unfair at times. Recently, my dad was sick, and when I told her I was going to check on him and call her back, she got upset and said that if I disconnect the call, I shouldn’t call her back. I disconnected the call in frustration and didn’t call her back, but she called me to argue about why I disconnected the call in the first place. TL;DR: My girlfriend and I have been together for two months, and I care deeply for her. However, she is often irritable, rude to me without reason, and doesn’t like me talking to my friends on the phone, even though she talks to hers constantly. She’s a good person, but it’s becoming difficult for me to deal with this behavior.

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Alfie Zackery

I (29M) have been dating my girlfriend (25F) for two months, and I’m deeply in love with her. Taking care of her has become very important to me. She’s a loyal and trustworthy person, and I really care about her. However, recently I’ve noticed she’s been irritable and upset most of the time. I tend to be a positive person and try not to burden others with my own daily issues, but she’s the opposite. For example, even a minor headache will make her extremely irritated, and she’ll talk about how sick she feels constantly. I’ve learned to accept this, but now there’s another issue. She often gets mad at me without any clear reason. For instance, if she has a headache, she will be rude to me, even though I haven’t done anything wrong. Just the other day, she was complaining about a toothache. I suggested she get some medicine from the store since I wasn’t close by, but I also tried to comfort her. She snapped at me, saying, “Please don’t say anything, you’re already making me mad. I’m suffering.” That hurt me. There have been other instances like this as well. Another problem is that she gets upset if someone calls me and I can’t talk to them because I’m busy. However, she talks to her friends almost all the time, and when I bring it up, she says I shouldn’t have an issue with it. I know she’s not cheating—she talks to her female friends—but it still feels unfair at times. Recently, my dad was sick, and when I told her I was going to check on him and call her back, she got upset and said that if I disconnect the call, I shouldn’t call her back. I disconnected the call in frustration and didn’t call her back, but she called me to argue about why I disconnected the call in the first place. TL;DR: My girlfriend and I have been together for two months, and I care deeply for her. However, she is often irritable, rude to me without reason, and doesn’t like me talking to my friends on the phone, even though she talks to hers constantly. She’s a good person, but it’s becoming difficult for me to deal with this behavior.

a month ago

It sounds like you’re in a challenging situation with your girlfriend, and it’s understandable to feel hurt and confused by her behavior. Here are some steps and considerations that might help you navigate this relationship while maintaining your own well-being:

Understanding Her Behavior

Firstly, it’s important to recognize that her irritability and rudeness may not necessarily be personal attacks directed at you. There could be underlying factors contributing to her mood:

Stress and Anxiety: If she’s dealing with stress or anxiety, even minor inconveniences like a headache can feel overwhelming, leading to irritability.
Communication Style: Some people express discomfort or pain through frustration. This might not be a reflection of her feelings towards you but rather her way of coping.
Health Issues: Chronic pain or health problems can affect mood and behavior. If she is frequently ill or in discomfort, this could explain her irritability.

Communicate Openly

Having an open and honest conversation with her about how her behavior affects you is crucial. Here’s how you might approach it:

Choose the Right Time: Find a calm moment to talk when she’s not in pain or stressed.
Use “I” Statements: Frame your feelings using “I” statements to express how her behavior impacts you. For example, “I feel hurt when you respond rudely even when I’m trying to help.”
Listen Actively: Encourage her to share her feelings. Ask her if there’s something specific bothering her that she hasn’t expressed.

Set Boundaries

It’s also important to establish healthy boundaries in the relationship:

Personal Space: Let her know that while you care for her, you also need time for your own friends and interests.
Respecting Communication: Discuss the need for mutual respect when it comes to phone calls and social interactions. You might say, “I understand you want my attention, but I also need to communicate with my friends.”

Encourage Professional Help

If her irritability persists, it may be beneficial for her to talk to a mental health professional. Encourage her gently, emphasizing that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Self-Care

While supporting her, don’t forget to take care of yourself:

Engage in Your Own Activities: Spend time with friends or engage in hobbies that make you happy.
Practice Mindfulness: Techniques like meditation or deep-breathing exercises can help you manage stress and maintain a positive outlook.

Evaluate the Relationship

After you’ve tried to communicate and set boundaries, take time to evaluate the relationship. Ask yourself:

Are you feeling valued and respected?
Is the relationship causing more stress than joy?
Can you see a future together where both of your needs are met?

Ultimately, while love is important, a healthy relationship should also involve mutual respect and understanding. If you find that her behavior doesn’t change despite your efforts, it may be worth considering whether this relationship is right for you.

Conclusion

Relationships can be challenging, especially in the early stages. Open communication, setting boundaries, and taking care of your own emotional health are vital steps in navigating this situation. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being alongside your love for her.

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