Lesleigh Shelby

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I (24F) started working at a company 4 years ago, and during my first year, I met a guy (29M) who I'll call Jake. We quickly got along well and became closer over time, joking around, teasing each other, giving each other compliments (both physical and intellectual), having lunch together, and talking about our families. We even exchanged birthday gifts and cards, which made me develop feelings for him. A year ago, Jake got transferred to a different location, and a new girl, Liz (26F), took over his position at my location. Since then, I’ve noticed that Jake has gotten much closer to Liz. They’ve been hanging out outside of work regularly and staying in touch outside of work hours, which they’ve both mentioned. Liz has a boyfriend, but their closeness is still hard to ignore. Before Liz came into the picture, Jake and I were very close and communicated often, but now it feels like he’s shifted that energy towards Liz. I wonder if they have something going on, or if maybe I misinterpreted the dynamic between us. I feel like I might have just been looking for attention and that Jake doesn’t feel the same way anymore, but I’m struggling to make sense of it all. For context, Jake and I still talk, but it’s much less frequently now, which I think is probably for the best, as I’m trying to create some space for myself. Both Liz and Jake work in the same position, and while they technically hold a slightly higher position than I do, it’s not a strict supervisor-employee dynamic. Maybe their closeness is just a result of working in similar roles? I’m trying to figure out if I’m overthinking things and whether it’s time to fully cut contact. Would Jake act this way if he wasn’t interested? Is he just closer to Liz because they work together? Answer/Advice: It’s completely natural to feel confused and even hurt when the dynamic between you and someone you’ve grown close to changes, especially when that person forms a new bond with someone else. Based on what you’ve described, it sounds like Jake and Liz have developed a closer connection, and you might be feeling a little left out, especially since your relationship with Jake has shifted. There are a few things to keep in mind: People Change and Relationships Evolve: Sometimes, relationships—whether romantic or platonic—naturally shift over time. Just because you had a close bond with Jake doesn't mean that bond stays the same indefinitely. His increased closeness with Liz could just be a result of proximity (working together at the same location), shared work experiences, or even just a natural deepening of their friendship. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t value your friendship or that you were ever more than that to him. Don’t Internalize His Actions: It’s easy to take this personally, especially when you’ve developed feelings for someone. However, his behavior towards Liz might not reflect how he feels about you. People can have different connections with different people, and it could be that his relationship with Liz is simply evolving in a way that doesn’t diminish his bond with you—it’s just different. Space and Perspective: It sounds like you’re already doing the right thing by pulling back and creating some space for yourself. This distance can help you gain clarity about your feelings and help you focus on your own well-being. The less you interact with him, the more you’ll be able to see the situation for what it is without your emotions clouding your judgment. It’s Okay to Let Go: If you’re finding that this situation is making you feel more confused or upset, it might be worth considering cutting back on your contact with him. This doesn’t mean you need to cut him out completely, but rather prioritize your own feelings and emotional health. It might be helpful to focus on your own interests and connections with others to regain some balance. Assess the Friendship Dynamic: If you do feel like you want to maintain a friendship with Jake, consider talking to him about how you’re feeling. It might be uncomfortable, but if you value the connection you have, open communication could help you both understand each other better and figure out how to move forward. However, if it feels like too much for you right now, giving yourself some space might be the healthiest choice. Lastly, remember that it’s okay to feel a little lost in this situation. Relationships, whether romantic or platonic, can be complicated, especially when new people enter the picture. Focusing on your own emotional needs and taking care of yourself is key right now. You deserve clarity, and with time and space, things will become clearer for you.