It sounds like you are facing a challenging situation in your marriage, and it's understandable to feel concerned about your husband's increased marijuana use and its impact on your relationship. Addressing substance use, especially when it becomes a daily habit, can be complex and emotionally charged. Here are some thoughts and suggestions on how to approach this situation:

1. Understand the Impact of Marijuana Use:

Marijuana can affect individuals differently, and its impact varies based on frequency of use, the method of consumption, and individual biology. Regular use, especially in the amounts you describe, can lead to issues such as:

• Decreased Motivation: Known as "amotivational syndrome," some users experience a reduction in motivation and engagement in everyday activities.
• Emotional Distress: While marijuana can provide temporary relief, it may also exacerbate underlying issues like anxiety or depression when not used.
• Communication Barriers: Being high may create a disconnect in communication, making it difficult to engage in meaningful conversations.

2. Timing and Setting for Conversations:

As you've noticed, your husband is more receptive during his sober moments. Consider choosing times when he is less likely to be under the influence for important discussions. For instance, you might:

• Initiate conversations during breakfast or while engaging in an activity he enjoys that doesn’t involve marijuana.
• Set aside a specific time each week to discuss your relationship and any concerns in a relaxed and supportive environment.

3. Express Your Concerns Calmly:

When discussing your feelings, use "I" statements to express how his behavior affects you. For example:

• "I feel anxious when I see you using marijuana before work because I worry about your safety."
• "I miss our meaningful conversations and feel lonely when you are high."

This approach can reduce defensiveness and open up a dialogue.

4. Explore Underlying Issues:

It's possible that his increased use is a coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, or other underlying issues. Consider gently encouraging him to explore these feelings:

• Suggest activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies that he may enjoy.
• Encourage him to consider speaking with a mental health professional if he seems open to it.

5. Set Boundaries and Expectations:

It's important to establish what you need in the relationship. This might include:

• Setting limits on how often and when he can use marijuana, especially before work or during shared time.
• Discussing responsibilities around the house and your need for more support.

Communicate these boundaries clearly and compassionately, and explain why they are necessary for your well-being and the health of your relationship.

6. Seek Support for Yourself:

Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate your feelings and provide strategies for coping with this situation. Support groups for partners of substance users can also be beneficial.

7. Be Patient and Open to Change:

Change takes time, and your husband may need support to alter his habits. Celebrate small victories and remain open to dialogue, even if progress is slow. Encouraging positive changes rather than focusing solely on the negative can foster a more supportive environment.

In conclusion, addressing your husband's marijuana use requires a compassionate and understanding approach. By fostering open communication, expressing your concerns, and setting boundaries, you can work towards a healthier relationship. Remember to take care of your own emotional needs during this process.