It’s completely understandable to feel offended by your husband’s coworker’s comments, especially considering the context of your ongoing health struggles and the dedication you’ve shown as a stay-at-home mom. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to acknowledge them.

Many people, especially those without children, may not fully grasp the physical and emotional toll that parenting can take on a person’s body and well-being. The coworker’s remarks about your body being “mangled, morphed, and destroyed” could indeed come across as dismissive, even if that was not her intention. It’s crucial to recognize that comments about someone’s physical appearance, especially in relation to motherhood, can be sensitive and should be approached with care.

In situations like this, it’s important to communicate openly with your husband about how you feel. Your husband’s autism may affect his understanding of social cues and boundaries, making it challenging for him to navigate conversations that may seem inappropriate to you. For example, he might not perceive the coworker’s comments as offensive, as he may focus more on the intent behind the words rather than their impact. This is a common trait among individuals on the autism spectrum, as they may interpret social interactions differently.

Here are some steps you might consider taking:

• Express Your Feelings: Share your feelings with your husband in a calm and constructive way. Use “I” statements, such as “I felt hurt when I heard about the comments regarding my body.” This can help him understand your perspective without feeling defensive.
• Discuss Boundaries: Talk about the importance of setting boundaries in conversations, especially regarding personal topics like health and parenting. You could suggest that he politely steer conversations away from sensitive subjects, particularly those involving you.
• Educate on Social Cues: If he is open to it, consider discussing social cues that might indicate when a conversation is veering into uncomfortable territory. You could provide examples of comments that might be inappropriate in a work setting and discuss why they can be problematic.
• Support Each Other: Encourage your husband to be your advocate in social situations. He can help clarify your feelings or redirect conversations that make you uncomfortable, which can strengthen your partnership.

Regarding your feelings about his female coworkers being overly flirty, it’s also important to have an open dialogue about trust and boundaries in your relationship. It might help to express your concerns without placing blame, focusing on how these situations make you feel and what you need from him to feel secure.

Ultimately, fostering understanding and communication in your relationship will help both of you navigate these challenges together. It’s a journey that requires patience and empathy, especially considering your husband’s unique perspective shaped by his autism.

In conclusion, while the situation with your husband’s coworker was uncomfortable, it opens up a valuable opportunity for growth in your relationship. By addressing your feelings and discussing boundaries, you can work together to create a supportive environment for both of you as you navigate parenting and social interactions.