I (27F) have been with my partner (28M) for 4 years. We met when I was recovering from a toxic relationship and wasn't actively looking to date. Our connection grew from friendship, and even though he was about to leave for professional baseball overseas, we started a relationship. It was rocky initially due to the distance, but we made it work. He even came back and said he knew I was the one after I traveled to France to spend time with him. Things were great—strong communication, shared goals, and boundaries.But life hasn’t been easy. We’ve dealt with debt, job losses, and the stress of managing finances. I lost my job, and he financially supported me while I contributed in other ways, like cooking and keeping the home in order. Eventually, I got a job, but the stress continued. My contract ended, and I went on unemployment. This is where things started to strain our relationship.I went through his phone, and I saw that he had sent money to people for inappropriate videos/pictures from Snapchat. I confronted him, and he claimed it was out of stress, curiosity, and that he was struggling. He promised it wouldn’t happen again, but two weeks later, it did. He downloaded Snapchat and sent money again. He admitted he didn’t know what was wrong with him but said he wanted to change. We prayed together and started reading the Bible more, but now I’m unsure where we stand.Recently, he told me he wasn’t sure if this relationship was worth it, though he loves me. He explained the pressure of his new job, working third shift, and the stress of financially supporting us, sometimes having to ask his parents for money. I understand his stress, but I wish he had communicated it to me earlier so I could’ve helped with finding more consistent work. He says he feels shame and isn’t sure if we can work through this. We both cried because we love each other, but I’m confused. After everything, I don’t want to beg anyone to be with me, and I’m just not sure where we go from here.

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Della Rica

I (27F) have been with my partner (28M) for 4 years. We met when I was recovering from a toxic relationship and wasn't actively looking to date. Our connection grew from friendship, and even though he was about to leave for professional baseball overseas, we started a relationship. It was rocky initially due to the distance, but we made it work. He even came back and said he knew I was the one after I traveled to France to spend time with him. Things were great—strong communication, shared goals, and boundaries.But life hasn’t been easy. We’ve dealt with debt, job losses, and the stress of managing finances. I lost my job, and he financially supported me while I contributed in other ways, like cooking and keeping the home in order. Eventually, I got a job, but the stress continued. My contract ended, and I went on unemployment. This is where things started to strain our relationship.I went through his phone, and I saw that he had sent money to people for inappropriate videos/pictures from Snapchat. I confronted him, and he claimed it was out of stress, curiosity, and that he was struggling. He promised it wouldn’t happen again, but two weeks later, it did. He downloaded Snapchat and sent money again. He admitted he didn’t know what was wrong with him but said he wanted to change. We prayed together and started reading the Bible more, but now I’m unsure where we stand.Recently, he told me he wasn’t sure if this relationship was worth it, though he loves me. He explained the pressure of his new job, working third shift, and the stress of financially supporting us, sometimes having to ask his parents for money. I understand his stress, but I wish he had communicated it to me earlier so I could’ve helped with finding more consistent work. He says he feels shame and isn’t sure if we can work through this. We both cried because we love each other, but I’m confused. After everything, I don’t want to beg anyone to be with me, and I’m just not sure where we go from here.

a month ago

It sounds like you are navigating a very challenging situation, and it's understandable to feel confused and uncertain about the future of your relationship. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that may help you as you reflect on your situation:

1. Open Communication: It’s crucial to maintain open and honest communication with your partner. You mentioned that you wish he had communicated his stress earlier, and this is a significant point. Consider setting aside time for a calm discussion about both of your feelings and concerns. You might say something like, "I want us to be able to talk openly about what we’re going through. Can we have a heart-to-heart about how we’re both feeling?"

2. Understanding His Struggles: Your partner is experiencing a lot of pressure at work and financial stress. It’s essential to acknowledge his feelings while also expressing your own. You might find it helpful to explore how these stresses are affecting him and your relationship. Ask questions like, "What do you think would help you cope with the stress you’re feeling?" This approach shows that you care about his well-being while also addressing your own needs.

3. Setting Boundaries: Given the situation with the inappropriate videos and your partner’s admission of struggling with these actions, it’s important to set clear boundaries. You deserve to feel safe and respected in your relationship. Discuss what is acceptable and what is not, and consider whether he is willing to commit to making changes. It might be helpful to say, "I need to know that I can trust you, and that means we need to set boundaries around what is acceptable behavior."

4. Seeking Professional Help: Sometimes, the issues we face in relationships can be overwhelming. It might be beneficial for both of you to consider couples counseling. A professional can help facilitate discussions, provide strategies for coping with stress, and assist in rebuilding trust. You could suggest, "I think it might be helpful for us to talk to someone who can help us navigate these feelings and challenges together."

5. Self-Reflection: While it’s important to support your partner, it’s equally essential to reflect on your own needs and boundaries. Ask yourself what you want from this relationship and what you are willing to accept. It’s okay to prioritize your emotional health. Consider journaling your thoughts or talking to a trusted friend for perspective.

6. Evaluating the Relationship: If your partner is unsure about the relationship's worth, it may be time for both of you to evaluate what you want moving forward. This doesn’t necessarily mean the end, but it does mean taking a step back to assess whether you can both commit to making the necessary changes to move forward together. You might frame this as, "I love you and I want what’s best for both of us. Let’s take some time to think about what we truly want and need."

Ultimately, relationships require work from both partners, especially during tough times. It’s commendable that you are willing to support him, but remember that your feelings and needs are equally important. Taking these steps can help clarify the path forward and whether it leads you both to a healthier relationship or to a decision that prioritizes your individual well-being.

Trust your instincts, and remember that it’s okay to seek happiness and fulfillment, whether that’s together or apart.

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