It sounds like you're navigating a complex and challenging situation in your long-distance relationship. Here are some strategies and insights that may help you support your girlfriend while also taking care of your own needs:

1. Open Communication

Establish a safe space for open dialogue. Consider scheduling a specific time to discuss feelings and concerns without distractions. You might say, "I want to talk about how we can both feel comfortable in our relationship. Can we set aside some time this week?" This shows her that you value her feelings and are willing to listen.

2. Set Boundaries

It's crucial to set boundaries that protect your well-being. Let her know that while you care for her, you also need time for yourself and your friends. You might say something like, "I really enjoy our calls, but I also need some time to recharge and see my friends. Can we find a way to balance this?"

3. Understand Her Perspective

If she suspects she may be autistic, it's important to approach the situation with empathy. Research autism spectrum disorder (ASD) to better understand her perspective. It might also be beneficial to encourage her to seek professional help. For example, you could suggest, "Have you thought about talking to someone who specializes in this? It might help you feel more secure in our relationship."

4. Address the Christmas Situation

Explain your family's perspective gently. You could say, "I love spending Christmas with my family, and they may feel uncomfortable with us being so young. I hope you understand that it’s not a reflection of how I feel about you." Reassure her that your relationship is important, but family dynamics are also significant.

5. Discuss Political Views

Political beliefs can be deeply personal, but it's essential to remember that differing views can coexist in a relationship. Reiterate your commitment to shared values while acknowledging that people may have different opinions on how to achieve those values. You might say, "I care about the same issues you do, but I believe it's possible for us to have different opinions on how to approach them. Can we agree to discuss our views respectfully?"

6. Encourage Independence

Support her in developing her independence. This could involve encouraging her to engage in hobbies, make new friends, or seek out local support groups. You might suggest, "I think it would be great for you to explore new activities or meet new people. It could help you feel more balanced when we’re not together."

7. Reflect on Your Own Needs

It's essential to reflect on your own needs and feelings. If you find that the relationship is draining you, consider discussing this with her. You might say, "I feel overwhelmed sometimes, and I want to make sure we both feel good about our time together. How can we improve this?"

8. Seek Professional Guidance

Both you and your girlfriend might benefit from professional guidance. Couples therapy or individual counseling could provide a neutral space to navigate your feelings and improve communication. You could suggest, "I think it might be helpful for us to talk to someone who can help us navigate these challenges together."

9. Be Patient and Kind

Change takes time, especially when dealing with emotional struggles. Continue to be patient with her and yourself. Celebrate small victories in your communication and understanding. You might say, "I appreciate how we’re trying to communicate better. It means a lot to me."

Conclusion

Ultimately, a healthy relationship requires effort from both partners. By establishing clear communication, setting boundaries, and encouraging independence, you can help your girlfriend while also taking care of your own needs. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being, and seeking balance is key.

Stay strong, and best of luck as you navigate this journey together!