I (31F) am in a difficult situation with my fiancé (29M) regarding our upcoming wedding date, and I could really use some advice. To give you some background, my fiancé and I have faced challenges in our relationship, particularly due to his brother (32M). It seems that we often end up arguing more about him than about our own issues. For the first year of our relationship, we struggled to find time to go on dates because my fiancé lived with his brother, who had quit his job and was relying on my fiancé to cover their rent. Thankfully, my fiancé has since moved out and is living independently. Recently, my fiancé has been spending Wednesday mornings with his brother, which has become a routine for them. I was under the impression that we would be able to spend New Year’s Day together since my fiancé had to work on New Year’s Eve. However, a few days before, I learned that he had made plans to see his brother that morning. I expressed my disappointment, as it would be our only chance to celebrate together, but he still chose to go. After their hangout, my fiancé received a text from his brother saying that our wedding date wouldn’t work for him and suggesting we reschedule. His brother mentioned that he couldn’t take time off during his busy season at work and proposed that we consider a different month or season altogether. This was frustrating for me because we’ve had the wedding date planned for at least four months, and my family is fully aware and has made plans to attend. It turns out my fiancé hadn’t informed his family of the exact wedding date, only the month. Now, with his brother’s request, my fiancé came to me suggesting we should move the wedding. I asked if his brother had even tried to ask for time off, and it turns out he hadn’t. I find this situation quite selfish, and I’m tired of his brother taking precedence over our relationship. To complicate matters further, my fiancé texted me last night saying that his father also wouldn’t be able to attend the wedding on the original date. I understand that it’s unfortunate my fiancé didn’t communicate the date sooner, but now we’re left with a tough choice: potentially upsetting one family or the other. I’m looking for advice on how to navigate this situation without damaging family relationships. What steps should I take moving forward? If we do decide to change the date, how can I ensure it doesn’t get moved again? I want to handle this delicately and find a solution that works for everyone involved. --- I hope this captures your story clearly! Let me know if you need any further adjustments or assistance.

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Donald Gordon

I (31F) am in a difficult situation with my fiancé (29M) regarding our upcoming wedding date, and I could really use some advice. To give you some background, my fiancé and I have faced challenges in our relationship, particularly due to his brother (32M). It seems that we often end up arguing more about him than about our own issues. For the first year of our relationship, we struggled to find time to go on dates because my fiancé lived with his brother, who had quit his job and was relying on my fiancé to cover their rent. Thankfully, my fiancé has since moved out and is living independently. Recently, my fiancé has been spending Wednesday mornings with his brother, which has become a routine for them. I was under the impression that we would be able to spend New Year’s Day together since my fiancé had to work on New Year’s Eve. However, a few days before, I learned that he had made plans to see his brother that morning. I expressed my disappointment, as it would be our only chance to celebrate together, but he still chose to go. After their hangout, my fiancé received a text from his brother saying that our wedding date wouldn’t work for him and suggesting we reschedule. His brother mentioned that he couldn’t take time off during his busy season at work and proposed that we consider a different month or season altogether. This was frustrating for me because we’ve had the wedding date planned for at least four months, and my family is fully aware and has made plans to attend. It turns out my fiancé hadn’t informed his family of the exact wedding date, only the month. Now, with his brother’s request, my fiancé came to me suggesting we should move the wedding. I asked if his brother had even tried to ask for time off, and it turns out he hadn’t. I find this situation quite selfish, and I’m tired of his brother taking precedence over our relationship. To complicate matters further, my fiancé texted me last night saying that his father also wouldn’t be able to attend the wedding on the original date. I understand that it’s unfortunate my fiancé didn’t communicate the date sooner, but now we’re left with a tough choice: potentially upsetting one family or the other. I’m looking for advice on how to navigate this situation without damaging family relationships. What steps should I take moving forward? If we do decide to change the date, how can I ensure it doesn’t get moved again? I want to handle this delicately and find a solution that works for everyone involved. --- I hope this captures your story clearly! Let me know if you need any further adjustments or assistance.

a month ago

It sounds like you’re in a challenging situation, and it’s completely understandable to feel frustrated. Here are some steps that you can take to navigate this issue while trying to maintain family relationships and ensure your wedding plans are honored.

1. Have a Heart-to-Heart with Your Fiancé

Start by having an open and honest conversation with your fiancé about your feelings. Express your concerns without placing blame. You might say something like:

"I feel really anxious about the wedding planning, especially since we’ve had this date set for months. It’s important to me to have our families there, but I also feel like we need to stand firm on our plans."

Discuss how his brother’s request to change the date makes you feel and emphasize the importance of prioritizing your relationship and wedding over external pressures.

2. Communicate with His Family

Since your fiancé hasn’t communicated the date to his family, it’s essential to step in to clarify things. Consider reaching out to his brother and father directly. You could say:

"I understand there are scheduling conflicts, but we’ve planned this date for a while now and it’s important to us that you are part of our special day. I hope we can find a way to make it work."

This approach shows that you value their presence while also standing firm on your decision.

3. Assess the Situation

Evaluate the options available to you. Here are some scenarios to consider:

Stick to the Original Date: If your fiancé’s family can’t attend, explain that you want to move forward with your plans and celebrate with those who can be there.
Consider a Compromise: If you feel moving the date is unavoidable, propose a compromise, like scheduling the wedding for a time that works for both families while still considering your initial plans.

4. Set Clear Boundaries

If you decide to move the date, establish clear boundaries to ensure this doesn’t happen again. You might agree that:

Future family events should be communicated in advance.
Your fiancé should take responsibility for informing his family about significant dates.

Both of you should be on the same page about prioritizing your relationship and wedding over other commitments.

5. Focus on Your Wedding Vision

Regardless of the outcome, remember that this day is about you and your fiancé. Focus on what you both want from your wedding, and don’t let external pressures dictate your plans.

6. Seek Support

Talk to friends or family members who can provide emotional support during this time. They can help you navigate the situation and remind you of what’s truly important.

7. Keep Communication Open

After everything is sorted out, keep the lines of communication open with your fiancé and both families. Regularly check in about feelings and expectations to avoid misunderstandings in the future.

Final Thoughts

This is a challenging moment, but it can also be a great opportunity for growth in your relationship. By addressing the situation head-on and reinforcing your partnership with your fiancé, you can come out stronger. Remember, the most important thing is that you both are happy and excited about your wedding day.

Best of luck, and I hope everything works out smoothly for you both!

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