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I (19F) am considering taking a break from my boyfriend (19M), and I could really use some advice. We've been together for almost three years, but lately, things have been challenging, and I feel like I'm not getting the treatment I deserve. Although I love him deeply and he’s my best friend, I believe that both of us need this time apart. I need space to think and reflect on what I truly want, and I think he could benefit from experiencing life without me for a while. We’re in a long-distance relationship while attending college, and I’m planning to take this break for at least a month, or until our next school break. I’m unsure about how much communication we should have during this time. I really don’t want to go completely no contact, but I can see why that might be necessary. Additionally, I want to address the topic of seeing other people during this break. I don’t envision myself dating anyone else right away, but I want to establish clear boundaries regarding that. Overall, I’m feeling quite confused about how to navigate this situation and would appreciate any guidance.

a month ago
39

It sounds like you're in a challenging situation, and it's completely normal to feel confused and uncertain about what to do next. Taking a break can be a healthy choice for both you and your boyfriend, especially when you recognize that you need space to reflect on your feelings and relationship. Here are some considerations and suggestions to help you navigate this process:

1. Setting Clear Boundaries

Before you initiate the break, it's essential to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about what the break means for both of you. Here are some key points to discuss:

  • Duration: Since you mentioned a month, make sure you both agree on this timeframe. Discuss what you hope to achieve during this period.
  • Communication: Decide how much communication you both want during the break. You could set specific guidelines, such as:
  • Weekly check-ins to share how you both are feeling.
  • Texting occasionally to maintain some level of connection.
  • Limiting video calls to avoid deep conversations that might blur the boundaries.

2. Addressing the Topic of Other Relationships

This can be a sensitive topic, especially since you both have different experiences in relationships. If you want to set a boundary regarding seeing other people, communicate this clearly. You might say something like:

"I want to focus on myself during this break, and I think it would be best if we both agreed not to date anyone else while we take this time apart. I love you and don't want to complicate things further."

However, keep in mind that everyone handles breaks differently. Some people may feel that exploring other connections is beneficial, while others may prefer to remain exclusive. It's crucial to find a middle ground that respects both of your feelings.

3. Reflecting on Your Needs

Use this break as an opportunity to reflect on what you truly want in your relationship and life. Consider journaling your thoughts or making a list of what you appreciate about your boyfriend and what aspects of the relationship are causing you distress. This can help you gain clarity on:

  • What you need from him moving forward.
  • Whether the relationship aligns with your long-term goals.
  • How you can both grow individually and as a couple.

4. Seeking Support

During this time, it's also beneficial to lean on friends or family for support. Talking through your feelings with someone you trust can provide perspective and help you process your emotions. You might consider saying:

"I'm taking a break from my boyfriend to figure some things out. I could really use someone to talk to about it."

5. Planning for the Future

As you approach the end of the break, think about how you want to address the relationship moving forward. You might want to plan a time to discuss your feelings and any changes you both want to implement in the relationship. This can be framed positively, as a way to strengthen your bond:

"I really appreciated this time to think and reflect. I want to talk about some things that could help us grow as a couple."

Conclusion

Ultimately, it's important to prioritize your own well-being while also being considerate of your boyfriend's feelings. A break can be a healthy step for both of you to reflect and grow. Remember that it's okay to feel uncertain; give yourself grace as you navigate this process. Whatever the outcome, focusing on communication and understanding will be key to ensuring that both of you feel valued and heard.

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