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I’m a 37-year-old man living in New York City, currently seeking a life partner. Recently, I matched with a woman (36) from Eastern Europe on a dating app, and we quickly connected. Our relationship has progressed faster than I anticipated, with discussions around living together, future plans, and even marriage. While I’m excited, I can’t help but feel things might be moving too quickly. I’ve heard concerns about people using relationships for green cards or financial gain, and I want to ensure her intentions are genuine. She seems wonderful, but I’m trying to be cautious and not let my emotions cloud my judgment. Here’s what I’ve done so far to verify her authenticity: I found her LinkedIn profile with 500+ connections, indicating a professional presence. I discovered her Facebook profile, where she has real photos and posts from her past, showing a consistent online presence. We’ve had a video call, which confirmed that her face matches her photos. Some additional context: She’s mentioned that she wants to move to the U.S. for our relationship, though it’s not a condition. She’s shared personal stories about her work, family, and past relationships, which seem believable, but I still want to tread carefully. I haven’t met her in person yet, but I’m planning a trip to her country soon to meet her and her family before making any major decisions. What more can I do to verify her intentions and ensure she’s genuinely interested in building a life together? Are there specific questions I should ask, behaviors I should observe, or steps I should take during this process? I’m not asking whether I should pursue this or not, but rather for actionable suggestions on how to gather more information about her in order to make an informed decision. Thanks in advance for your help!

a month ago
52

It's great to hear that you've found a connection with someone special, and it's completely natural to want to ensure her intentions are genuine, especially considering the pace at which your relationship has progressed. Here are some actionable steps you can take to gather more information and verify her intentions:

1. Communication and Questions

Engage in deeper conversations that can help you understand her values and intentions. Here are some questions you might consider asking:

  • Future Plans: "What does your ideal future look like in terms of career and family?" This can reveal her long-term ambitions and whether they align with yours.
  • Relationship Goals: "What does a successful relationship look like to you?" This question can help gauge her commitment level and expectations.
  • Family Dynamics: "How do you envision your family being involved in your life once we’re together?" Understanding her views on family can provide insights into her intentions.
  • Personal Growth: "What are some personal goals you hope to achieve in the next few years?" This can indicate her independence and aspirations beyond the relationship.

2. Observe Behaviors

Pay attention to her behaviors during your interactions:

  • Consistency: Notice if her stories and details remain consistent over time. Inconsistencies can be a red flag.
  • Interest in Your Life: Evaluate how much she asks about your life, interests, and experiences. A genuine partner will show interest in understanding you deeply.
  • Reactions to Serious Conversations: Gauge her comfort level when discussing serious topics related to the future, finances, and family. A positive reaction can indicate sincerity.

3. Meet Her Circle

When you visit her country to meet her and her family, observe how she interacts with her friends and family:

  • Family Dynamics: Pay attention to how she speaks about her family. Does she express love and respect for them? This can indicate her values.
  • Friend Interactions: If you meet her friends, observe if they speak highly of her and if she has long-term friendships. This can provide insight into her character.

4. Discuss Financial Expectations

It's essential to discuss financial expectations openly:

  • Future Planning: Ask her how she views financial responsibilities in a relationship. A healthy discussion can reveal her intentions regarding financial independence and security.
  • Career Aspirations: Understanding her career goals can help you see if she plans to contribute to the relationship financially.

5. Take Your Time

While it’s exciting to consider the future, taking your time is crucial:

  • Spend Quality Time Together: Before making any major decisions, ensure you spend ample time together in various settings to see how she reacts to different situations.
  • Delay Major Decisions: If possible, avoid making any significant commitments until you feel completely comfortable. This includes discussions about living together or marriage.

6. Trust Your Instincts

Finally, trust your instincts. If something feels off, don’t hesitate to address it or take a step back. Healthy relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect.

By following these steps and maintaining open communication, you can gain a clearer understanding of her intentions and ensure that both of you are on the same page regarding the future.

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