We’ve been having ongoing issues in our relationship. I asked my husband if we could go to therapy, but he refused, saying it would be a waste of money. Recently, he told me he posted on here, and the title of his post was “Wife vs Family: Who is Right and Who is Wrong?” The more I find out, the more I realize that I am being belittled and insulted by both my husband and his sister. They’ve called me lower social class, said I don’t belong in their family or social circle, and these comments are often made in front of others. My husband remains very nonchalant about it. When I asked him to speak to his parents, he did, but it doesn’t seem to matter—they just brush it off and go along with whatever his sister says. I also asked my husband to limit contact with his brother, and he promised me he would, but now he’s acting like nothing happened. They’re back to chatting all day, and it feels like my concerns don’t matter. It’s especially hurtful when he shouted at me, saying he doesn’t care if his family talks badly about me. It’s become clear to me that maybe my husband doesn’t care about me as much as I thought, and perhaps it’s because I’m not on the same “level” as his family. I worked hard to put myself through school and paid for my education, but it still feels like that doesn’t matter to him. The most eye-opening moment for me was when my father-in-law yelled at my mother-in-law. I’ve never seen my husband act the way he did when he told his father to stop and show respect to his own mother. He has never stood up for me in the same way, even when his family insults me or calls me awful names. It makes me feel like he values them more than me. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I’m starting to believe that my husband will never change, but it’s hard to understand why he’s so stubborn when the truth is right in front of him.

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Marianna Fawn

We’ve been having ongoing issues in our relationship. I asked my husband if we could go to therapy, but he refused, saying it would be a waste of money. Recently, he told me he posted on here, and the title of his post was “Wife vs Family: Who is Right and Who is Wrong?” The more I find out, the more I realize that I am being belittled and insulted by both my husband and his sister. They’ve called me lower social class, said I don’t belong in their family or social circle, and these comments are often made in front of others. My husband remains very nonchalant about it. When I asked him to speak to his parents, he did, but it doesn’t seem to matter—they just brush it off and go along with whatever his sister says. I also asked my husband to limit contact with his brother, and he promised me he would, but now he’s acting like nothing happened. They’re back to chatting all day, and it feels like my concerns don’t matter. It’s especially hurtful when he shouted at me, saying he doesn’t care if his family talks badly about me. It’s become clear to me that maybe my husband doesn’t care about me as much as I thought, and perhaps it’s because I’m not on the same “level” as his family. I worked hard to put myself through school and paid for my education, but it still feels like that doesn’t matter to him. The most eye-opening moment for me was when my father-in-law yelled at my mother-in-law. I’ve never seen my husband act the way he did when he told his father to stop and show respect to his own mother. He has never stood up for me in the same way, even when his family insults me or calls me awful names. It makes me feel like he values them more than me. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I’m starting to believe that my husband will never change, but it’s hard to understand why he’s so stubborn when the truth is right in front of him.

a month ago

It sounds like you're facing a deeply challenging and painful situation in your relationship. What you're experiencing is not uncommon, and many people find themselves in similar dynamics where they feel belittled and unsupported by their partner and their partner's family. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that may help you navigate this difficult time.

1. Acknowledging Your Feelings

Your feelings are valid. Being insulted and belittled by those who are supposed to love and support you can be incredibly damaging. It’s important to recognize that your emotional responses—hurt, anger, and disappointment—are normal reactions to feeling disrespected and undervalued.

2. Understanding Your Husband's Behavior

It seems that your husband may have a complicated relationship with his family and is perhaps caught between loyalty to them and his commitment to you. Some people struggle to confront family dynamics, especially if they have grown up in an environment where such behavior was normalized. His nonchalant attitude towards your feelings might stem from a reluctance to challenge his family, fearing backlash or conflict.

3. The Importance of Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial in any relationship. You mentioned asking your husband to limit contact with his brother, which indicates you are trying to protect your emotional well-being. If he is not respecting that boundary, it might be necessary to reevaluate how you communicate your needs. You could try saying something like, “When I see you interacting with your brother after we talked about limiting contact, it makes me feel like my feelings don’t matter to you.” This approach emphasizes your feelings rather than placing blame, which can sometimes lead to a more productive conversation.

4. Seeking Support

While your husband has refused couples therapy, individual therapy can be a valuable resource for you. A therapist can help you process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and build your self-esteem. They can also assist you in determining the next steps in your relationship based on your values and needs.

5. Reflecting on Your Relationship

It might be worth reflecting on what you want from your marriage. Consider whether you feel respected, valued, and supported. If your husband continues to prioritize his family's opinions over your well-being, it may be necessary to evaluate if this relationship is truly fulfilling your needs. You deserve a partner who stands by you and defends you, especially against negativity and insults.

6. Communicating Your Needs

When discussing your feelings with your husband, try to communicate directly and clearly what you need from him. You might say, “I need you to stand up for me when your family disrespects me. It hurts when you don’t defend me, and it makes me feel like I’m not valued.” Clear communication can sometimes break through the barriers of misunderstanding.

7. Finding Your Support System

In times of distress, connecting with friends, family, or support groups can provide comfort and perspective. Sharing your experiences with others who have faced similar situations can offer validation and new insights on how to cope with your circumstances.

8. Making a Decision

Ultimately, you may need to make a decision about what is best for your mental and emotional health. If your husband is unwilling to change or support you, it might be time to consider what that means for your future together. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved, respected, and valued.

It’s not easy to navigate these feelings, and it’s okay to take your time to figure out what you need. Trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being as you move forward.

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