Your situation sounds incredibly challenging, and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed given everything you're dealing with. It seems like you're caught between the emotional strain of your mother's health issues and the difficulties in your marriage. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that might help you navigate this difficult time.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings:

First and foremost, it's important to recognize that your feelings are valid. You're facing a significant emotional burden with your mother’s health deteriorating, and it's normal to feel stressed and anxious about the future. Allow yourself to grieve the potential loss of your relationship with your mother, as well as the support she has provided you.

2. Communication with Your Husband:

It seems like there is a communication breakdown between you and your husband. When he takes out his frustrations on you, it can feel isolating and painful. You might want to express to him how his behavior affects you. For instance, you could say:

“I understand that you have a lot on your plate, but when you speak to me in that tone, it makes me feel unloved and unvalued, especially during this tough time with my mom. I need your support right now.”

Using “I” statements can help prevent him from feeling attacked and encourage open dialogue.

3. Set Boundaries:

It's essential to set boundaries regarding how you both communicate, especially under stress. You could suggest having a “safe word” or a phrase that signals when either of you is feeling overwhelmed and needs to take a step back from the conversation. This can help reduce the likelihood of hurtful exchanges.

4. Seek Professional Help:

Given your husband's history with anger and your current emotional turmoil, couples counseling could be extremely beneficial. A therapist can provide a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and learn healthier communication techniques. Furthermore, individual therapy could help you cope with your mother's situation and your feelings surrounding it.

5. Lean on Your Support System:

While you mentioned that your mother has been your only support, it might be beneficial to reach out to friends or other family members, even if the relationship isn't perfect. Sometimes, sharing your burden with others can lighten the load. You could also consider support groups for individuals dealing with family members with dementia or substance abuse issues.

6. Take Care of Yourself:

Self-care is crucial, especially during emotionally taxing times. Consider engaging in activities that help you relax and recharge, such as:

• Taking long baths (as you mentioned you enjoy)
• Practicing mindfulness or meditation
• Engaging in hobbies that bring you joy
• Exercising or going for walks to clear your mind

7. Prepare for the Future:

While the wait for your mother's MRI results is difficult, try to prepare for different outcomes. Researching resources for dementia care and understanding the support systems available can help you feel more in control, regardless of the diagnosis.

It’s important to remember that you are not alone in this; many people face similar challenges, and seeking help is a strong and positive step forward. You deserve to feel supported and understood, both by your husband and your wider support network.

Lastly, consider journaling your thoughts and feelings. Writing can be a therapeutic outlet and may help clarify your emotions and responses to the situations you're facing.